AITAH for Wanting to Cancel My Wedding After Finding Out My Fiancé Hid a Major Secret?

Weddings are supposed to mark the beginning of a life built on love, trust, and transparency. But what happens when that foundation is shaken right before the big day? A recent dilemma posted in the r/AITAH subreddit involved a bride-to-be who discovered a deeply personal secret her fiancé had hidden throughout their relationship. Her response? She wanted to cancel the wedding—and not everyone agreed with her.

In this blog post, we’ll examine the emotional weight of pre-marital secrets, how trust issues can impact a relationship’s future, and why choosing to walk away doesn’t always make you the villain.

The Situation: A Secret Uncovered, Trust Broken

According to the original poster (OP), she and her fiancé had been together for four years. They’d planned a modest wedding, with deposits made and invitations sent. Just weeks before the ceremony, OP accidentally discovered that her fiancé had a child from a previous relationship—something he had never disclosed.

Even worse, the child was not an infant or recent development. The child was five years old, and the fiancé had been quietly paying child support and seeing the child occasionally without OP’s knowledge.

OP felt betrayed. Not because her fiancé had a child—but because of the intentional omission. When she confronted him, he admitted he was afraid the news would “scare her off.” OP felt that the trust between them had been destroyed and announced she wanted to cancel the wedding. Her fiancé, his family, and even some of her own relatives called her reaction extreme and accused her of being heartless.

Is Withholding Information the Same as Lying?

One of the most debated aspects in the comments was whether hiding a child—especially for years—constitutes a lie. Many argued that intentional omission, especially about life-altering facts, is deception by another name.

Here’s what makes omissions so damaging in relationships:

• They rob the other person of informed choice

• They create imbalance in power and trust

• They raise questions about what else might be hidden

For OP, it wasn’t the child that hurt—it was the years of dishonesty and the feeling that her life had been built on a half-truth.

Why Canceling the Wedding Might Be the Healthiest Choice

Planning a wedding is stressful enough. Discovering a hidden child on top of it? That’s an emotional earthquake. OP’s decision to pause—or cancel—the wedding is not necessarily a punishment. It could be:

• A pause for reflection

• A step to rebuild trust before moving forward

• A boundary to protect her future

Relationships thrive on honesty. Without that, even the most beautiful ceremony can’t guarantee long-term success.

The Family Fallout: Why Others Might Not Understand

Many people in the comments—and in OP’s real life—felt she was overreacting. Some pointed out that her fiancé didn’t cheat, didn’t abuse, didn’t lie in the traditional sense. But here’s why that argument misses the point:

• Being legally tied to someone means knowing what you’re signing up for

• Major life decisions like parenting affect both partners, whether directly or not

• Minimizing one partner’s hurt undermines their right to feel betrayed

Just because others wouldn’t cancel the wedding doesn’t mean OP is wrong for considering it. Every relationship has its own limits.

What Reddit Said

This post blew up, with users split between two camps:

• Those who supported OP for choosing self-respect and caution.

• Those who believed she should forgive and move forward.

Ultimately, the most upvoted comments emphasized the importance of informed consent in relationships. Love is important, but so is honesty.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not the Villain for Valuing Transparency

It’s easy to judge someone from the outside looking in. But in relationships, especially marriage, both partners deserve the full truth. If that truth is denied, so is their freedom to choose. Wanting to cancel your wedding after such a discovery doesn’t make you a bad person—it makes you someone who knows your worth and your limits.

Sometimes love isn’t enough to fix what dishonesty breaks.