AITAH for Wanting to Spend the Holidays Alone Instead of With My Family?

For many people, the holiday season means family dinners, reunions, and lots of shared traditions. But not everyone feels the same way about spending time with relatives—especially when those gatherings are emotionally exhausting. One Redditor recently sparked controversy on r/AITAH after revealing they wanted to skip Christmas with their family this year and spend it entirely alone.

The result? Hurt feelings, angry siblings, guilt trips from parents—and a flood of mixed opinions online.

Let’s break down why the decision to be alone during the holidays is more complex than it seems—and whether it really makes someone the bad guy.

The Situation: Choosing Solitude Over Tradition

The original poster (OP) shared that their family hosts a big holiday get-together every year. While others may see this as warm and festive, OP described it as overwhelming, filled with passive-aggressive comments, pressure to conform, and conversations that often veer into uncomfortable territory.

After years of pushing through, OP decided this time they’d stay home. No dramatic announcement—just a polite message sent weeks in advance saying they’d be sitting this one out. They even offered to drop off gifts in person beforehand.

But that wasn’t enough for their family.

OP was met with backlash: accusations of selfishness, claims that they were “ruining Christmas,” and thinly veiled guilt from their parents about how they “won’t be around forever.”

Is It Selfish to Protect Your Peace?

At first glance, saying “no” to family on the holidays sounds cold. But let’s look at the reasons why it might actually be a healthy choice:

• Emotional wellbeing matters: If being around certain people causes anxiety or emotional strain, it’s okay to opt out.

• Not everyone feels safe at home: Some families are toxic, controlling, or just mentally draining.

• Personal traditions are valid: Choosing to spend the day reading, traveling, or resting is just as legitimate as any other way to celebrate.

Choosing peace over obligation doesn’t make you ungrateful—it means you know your limits.

How to Set Boundaries Without Burning Bridges

If you’re in a similar position and considering spending the holidays solo, here are a few ways to approach it with care:

• Communicate early: Give your family notice so they have time to adjust and respond.

• Be honest, but kind: You don’t have to overshare, but framing your choice around personal wellbeing (rather than their behavior) can reduce defensiveness.

• Offer alternatives: Suggest a post-holiday lunch, a call on the day, or exchanging gifts separately.

• Stand firm: You’re allowed to make decisions that others don’t agree with—especially if they protect your mental health.

Why Families React So Strongly

Holidays are emotionally loaded. To some parents and relatives, your absence feels like a rejection—not just of the event, but of them. They may see your decision as a sign that the family is falling apart or that you don’t care.

But here’s the truth: You can love your family and still need space from them.

It’s also possible your choice triggers their own fears—about aging, being alone, or losing traditions they’ve clung to for decades.

What Reddit Had to Say

The post drew thousands of responses. Some users were quick to reassure OP that they weren’t in the wrong:

“NTA. You’re not obligated to put yourself in uncomfortable situations just to meet someone else’s expectations.”

Others urged OP to find a middle ground:

“I get wanting space, but family memories matter. Even if it’s just one hour, it might mean the world to them.”

A small portion sided with the family:

“It’s one day. Suck it up. You’ll miss it when they’re gone.”

Clearly, public opinion was split—but leaned heavily toward OP having the right to protect their mental space.

Final Thoughts: Choosing Yourself Doesn’t Make You the Villain

The holidays are painted as a time for joy and togetherness—but that ideal doesn’t fit everyone’s reality. If your holidays feel more like an emotional minefield than a celebration, it’s okay to choose a different path.

Taking care of your own needs, especially when you’re constantly giving to others, is not only acceptable—it’s necessary.