AITAH for Not Inviting My Vegan Friend to My BBQ Party?

Hey everyone, I need some honest opinions. I recently hosted a big BBQ party, and I made the decision not to invite one of my close friends—because they’re vegan. Now, they’re upset, and I’m wondering: was I the a**hole here? Let me explain my side, and you tell me if I messed up.

The BBQ Dilemma

So, here’s the deal. I love hosting BBQs—it’s my thing. Grilling burgers, ribs, hot dogs… you name it. This year, I planned a big one with about 20 friends. The menu was 100% meat-heavy, with zero vegan options. That’s when I hesitated about inviting my friend Jamie, who’s been vegan for years.

I thought: “Jamie won’t enjoy this. There’s nothing for them to eat, and they’ll just feel awkward watching everyone else chow down on ribs.” So, I didn’t send an invite. I figured I’d catch up with them another time at a vegan-friendly place.

The Backlash Begins

Well, Jamie found out through social media. They texted me: “Seriously? You couldn’t even ask if I wanted to come?” I explained my reasoning, but they called me exclusionary and said I should’ve at least given them the choice.

Now, mutual friends are split. Some say I was thoughtful for sparing Jamie the discomfort. Others say I was rude for assuming they wouldn’t want to come. Honestly, I’m torn.

Was It Really Exclusion?

I didn’t mean to exclude Jamie—I just didn’t want them to feel out of place. At past gatherings, they’ve either brought their own food or picked at sides while everyone else ate meat. It felt awkward for both of us. This time, I wanted to avoid that.

But Jamie argues that not inviting them at all was worse. They said, “I can decide for myself if I want to be there.” And… okay, fair point. Maybe I should’ve let them choose.

The Vegan Perspective

I asked another vegan friend for their take, and they surprised me. They said, “Some vegans don’t mind being around meat as long as they have options. But not inviting us? That stings.” Apparently, it’s less about the food and more about feeling left out socially.

That hit me. Maybe Jamie just wanted to hang out, even if they weren’t eating the main dishes. I didn’t consider that.

Could I Have Handled It Better?

Looking back, yeah—I could’ve done things differently. Maybe:

• Asked Jamie first: “Hey, I’m hosting a meat-heavy BBQ. Would you be comfortable coming, or should we plan something else?”
• Added one vegan dish: Even just grilled veggies or a plant-based burger would’ve been something.
• Been honest upfront: Instead of not inviting them, I could’ve explained my concerns.

Hindsight is 20/20, I guess.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Jamie’s still upset, and I feel guilty. I apologized, but they said it’s not just about this one party—it’s about feeling like an afterthought. I get that. So now, I’m planning a fully vegan hangout to make it up to them.

But I’m still wondering: AITAH? Was my reasoning justified, or was I just being inconsiderate? I’d love your honest take.

Your Verdict Matters

So, what do you think? Should I have invited Jamie anyway, or was avoiding the awkwardness the right call? Have you been in a similar situation? Drop a comment—I’m ready for the judgment.

And if you’ve ever been the “Jamie” in this scenario, I’d especially love to hear your perspective. Let’s discuss!