AITAH for Getting a Pet Without Asking My Roommate First?
I never thought adopting a rescue cat would turn into such a massive argument with my roommate. We’ve lived together peacefully for two years, splitting chores and bills without issue. But when I came home with Mittens last weekend, all hell broke loose. Now I’m left wondering: am I really the unreasonable one here?
The Backstory Matters
Before you judge, let me explain our living situation. Jessica (my roommate) and I both signed a pet-friendly lease. Our landlord allows cats with just a $250 deposit. I’ve been volunteering at the animal shelter every Saturday for six months, and last week this scruffy orange tabby just… chose me. It felt like fate.
Here’s where I might be the AH: I didn’t explicitly ask Jessica beforehand. But in my defense, she’s never said anything negative about pets. When our neighbors got a puppy, she even mentioned how cute it was. Plus, I’m covering all expenses – food, vet bills, even professional cleaning when we move out.
The Explosive Reaction
Jessica came home to find Mittens sunbathing in our shared living room. Her face went through three emotions in seconds: confusion, realization, then anger. She immediately said “You can’t just bring an animal into our home without discussing it!” I tried explaining my perspective, but she stormed to her room and slammed the door.
The next day, she left a note saying I was being incredibly disrespectful of our shared space. She’s now giving me the silent treatment except for passive-aggressive Post-its about “boundaries” and “consideration.” Meanwhile, Mittens has been perfect – using the litter box, not scratching furniture, even curling up peacefully during our (formerly) shared TV time.
My Justifications Explained
Let me break down why I thought this would be okay:
1. The lease allows it: No rules were broken technically. I checked our agreement thoroughly before adopting.
2. Financial responsibility: As mentioned, I’m bearing 100% of the costs. Jessica won’t pay a dime for Mittens’ care.
3. Previous positive comments: She’s always seemed pet-positive in casual conversations.
4. My mental health: After a rough breakup and work stress, my therapist suggested the emotional benefits of pet companionship.
Was I wrong to assume these factors made it acceptable? Should I have gotten explicit permission despite all this?
Her Side of Things
After cooling down, Jessica finally explained why she’s so upset:
“It’s about respect”: She feels I made a unilateral decision affecting our shared home without courtesy of a conversation.
Allergy concerns: Turns out she’s mildly allergic but never mentioned it because “we didn’t have pets.”
Future complications: She worries about noise, smells, or damage affecting our security deposit.
Precedent setting: “If you can just bring home a cat, what’s next? A parrot? A potbellied pig?”
I see her points, but part of me thinks she’s exaggerating. Mittens is one well-behaved cat, not a zoo exhibit. Still, I’m starting to question if I crossed a line.
Mutual Friends Weigh In
Our social circle is divided:
Team Jessica: “Shared space means shared decisions.” “Pets affect everyone living there.” “Basic roommate etiquette 101.”
Team Me: “It’s just a cat in a pet-friendly apartment.” “She’s overreacting.” “You’re the one taking care of it.”
The most balanced take came from our friend Mark: “You’re not an AH for wanting the cat, but maybe a little AH for not running it by her first. Still, her reaction seems disproportionate unless there’s more to the story.”
This whole situation has me questioning modern roommate expectations. Where’s the line between personal freedom and shared courtesy?
Possible Compromise Solutions
I don’t want to rehome Mittens, but I also value my living situation. Here’s what I’m considering:
1. Trial period: Propose a 30-day test run with set expectations and regular check-ins.
2. Allergy mitigation: Offer to buy air purifiers, special litter, and keep Mittens mostly in my room.
3. Deposit protection: Put in writing that I’ll cover any pet-related damages beyond normal wear.
4. Future agreements: Promise to discuss any new changes to our living situation moving forward.
Would these concessions show I’m trying to make things right, or am I just backpedaling after being called out?
Your Judgment Matters
So here’s where I need your honest opinions: AITAH for bringing home Mittens without explicit roommate approval? Should I have handled this differently from the start? Is Jessica’s anger justified, or is she being unreasonable about one small cat in a pet-friendly apartment?
I’m genuinely torn between feeling like I deserve pet companionship and worrying I violated basic roommate etiquette. Your perspectives could help me navigate this conflict with more clarity and empathy.
Leave your verdict in the comments below – but please be kind. This situation has already caused enough tension in my home, and I’m truly trying to understand all sides before deciding how to move forward. If you’ve been in a similar situation (from either perspective), I’d especially value hearing how you resolved it.
