AITAH for Refusing to Celebrate a Holiday I Don’t Believe In?

Holidays are supposed to be joyful, right? A time for family, traditions, and celebration. But what if you don’t believe in the holiday everyone else is obsessing over? That’s the dilemma I’m facing, and now I’m left wondering—am I the a**hole (AITAH) for refusing to celebrate a holiday I don’t believe in?

This isn’t about being a Grinch or hating fun. It’s about authenticity. If I don’t feel connected to a holiday’s meaning or traditions, should I force myself to participate just to keep the peace? Or is it okay to stand my ground, even if it ruffles feathers?

Let me walk you through my situation, and I’d love to hear your take in the comments.

The Holiday in Question

For me, the issue revolves around [specific holiday, e.g., Valentine’s Day, Christmas, Halloween]. I’ve never felt a personal connection to it, whether because of its commercialism, religious undertones, or just a lack of personal meaning. Yet, every year, friends and family expect me to participate—gifts, decorations, parties, the whole shebang.

This year, I finally said, “No.” No elaborate plans, no forced enthusiasm, no pretending. And wow, did that stir up drama.

The Backlash Begins

At first, people thought I was joking. “You’re really not doing anything for [holiday]?” Then came the guilt trips: “But it’s tradition!” or “You’re ruining it for everyone else!” My refusal was treated like a personal attack.

One relative even accused me of being “selfish” for not going along with the festivities. But here’s the thing—I don’t see it that way. I’m not stopping anyone else from celebrating. I just don’t want to fake enthusiasm for something that doesn’t resonate with me.

Why I Said No

My reasons for opting out are deeper than just “I don’t feel like it.” For one, I’ve always valued authenticity. If I’m going to invest time, money, and energy into something, I want it to mean something to me.

Second, the holiday in question has problematic elements I can’t ignore. Whether it’s consumerism, cultural appropriation, or historical baggage, I don’t want to endorse something that conflicts with my values.

Lastly, I’ve realized that obligatory celebrations drain me. Instead of joy, I feel resentment. And shouldn’t holidays be about genuine happiness, not obligation?

The Family Fallout

Of course, my stance hasn’t been met with understanding. Some family members took it personally, as if my refusal was a rejection of them. I’ve been called “cold,” “difficult,” and even “a buzzkill.”

One cousin said, “It’s just one day—why can’t you suck it up?” But that’s the point—it’s not just one day. It’s weeks of prep, pressure, and performative cheer. And every year, I dread it.

Now, I’m stuck wondering: Is my personal integrity worth the family drama?

Setting Boundaries Respectfully

I didn’t just ghost the holiday—I tried to communicate my decision clearly. I said, “I appreciate that this is important to you, but it’s not for me. I’d rather celebrate in my own way—or not at all.”

Still, some saw it as a slap in the face. Which makes me wonder: Are boundaries only acceptable when they don’t inconvenience others?

I’m not asking anyone to change their traditions. I just want the same respect in return.

AITAH? Your Verdict

So, here’s where I need your honesty. AITAH for refusing to celebrate a holiday I don’t believe in? Should I have just gone along to avoid conflict? Or is it fair to prioritize my own beliefs?

I’m not against holidays in general—just the ones that feel hollow or forced. Maybe there’s a middle ground I’m missing. If you’ve been in this situation, how did you handle it?

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, holidays should be about meaning, not obligation. If celebrating feels like a chore, maybe it’s okay to step back.

But I also don’t want to hurt the people I love. Is there a way to honor both my authenticity and their traditions? Or is this a lose-lose situation?