AITAH For Demanding My Partner Break Up With Their Ex

Relationships are complicated, especially when exes are involved. I never thought I’d be the type to demand my partner cut ties with their ex, but here we are. Now, I’m left wondering: Am I the asshole for setting this boundary? Let me explain my side of the story, and you can decide.

The Backstory Matters

My partner and I have been together for almost two years. Things were great—until I found out they were still in regular contact with their ex. At first, I didn’t think much of it. They claimed it was just a friendship, and I trusted them. But over time, things started feeling… off.

They texted constantly. They met up for coffee “as friends.” They even celebrated their ex’s birthday together—without me. I tried to be cool about it, but the more it happened, the more uncomfortable I became. Was I overreacting, or were my instincts right?

The Breaking Point

Everything came to a head when I accidentally saw a message pop up on their phone. It was from their ex, and it read: “I miss us.” My stomach dropped. When I confronted my partner, they brushed it off, saying it was just a joke. But jokes usually don’t make your heart race with anxiety.

That’s when I laid it out: “If you want this relationship to work, you need to cut ties with your ex.” I didn’t yell. I didn’t threaten. I just stated my boundary. Their reaction? Defensive. They accused me of being controlling and insecure.

Why I Set the Boundary

I didn’t make this demand lightly. Here’s why I felt it was necessary:

• Emotional Boundaries Were Blurry: Their “friendship” felt more like emotional backup.
• My Comfort Was Ignored: Every time I expressed discomfort, I was told I was overreacting.
• The Ex Wasn’t Moving On: Messages like “I miss us” aren’t platonic.

Was I wrong for wanting a relationship where my partner’s emotional priority was me—not their ex?

Their Reaction

Instead of understanding, my partner doubled down. They said I was being unreasonable, that I didn’t trust them, and that I was trying to isolate them from people they cared about. But here’s the thing: I never asked them to cut off friends. Just the ex who was clearly still holding a torch.

Now, we’re at a standstill. They refuse to stop talking to their ex, and I refuse to stay in a relationship where I feel like the third wheel. So, AITAH?

Outside Perspectives

I asked a few friends for their take, and the responses were mixed:

• Friend A: “You’re not wrong. That ‘friendship’ sounds shady.”
• Friend B: “Demanding anything in a relationship is toxic.”
• Friend C: “If they respected you, they’d prioritize your feelings.”

So, who’s right? Is it controlling to ask for this, or is it a fair boundary?

What Would You Do?

Now, I’m turning to you. Have you been in this situation? Did you ask your partner to cut ties with an ex? How did it turn out? I’m genuinely torn between feeling like I stood up for myself and wondering if I went too far.

Drop your thoughts in the comments—I need honest opinions. And if you’ve faced something similar, how did you handle it? Maybe your experience can help me navigate this mess.

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, relationships are about mutual respect. If my partner can’t see why this hurts me, is this really the right relationship for either of us? I don’t know the answer yet, but I do know this: I deserve to feel secure in my relationship. And if that makes me the asshole in their eyes, maybe that’s a sign.