AITAH For Refusing To Loan My Brother Money After He Lied
Family and money – two things that should never mix, yet here we are. I never thought I’d be in this position, questioning whether I’m the jerk for setting boundaries with my own brother. But after what happened last month, I can’t help but wonder: Am I the asshole here?
The Broken Trust Incident
It all started six months ago when my brother, let’s call him Jake, came to me in a panic. He needed $5,000 to cover his mortgage after losing his job. Being the older sibling, I’ve always felt protective, so I agreed – with one condition. “Pay me back within six months,” I said. He swore on our mother’s grave he would.
Fast forward to last month. I was at Jake’s house for his birthday when I overheard him bragging to a friend about his new Rolex. My stomach dropped. When I confronted him privately, he admitted he’d been working under the table for months while collecting unemployment. The “desperate need” for my loan? A complete fabrication.
The Second Request
Two weeks after this revelation, Jake called again. This time, his car needed major repairs. “I know I messed up before, but this is real,” he pleaded. I asked to see the mechanic’s estimate. He got defensive. “Don’t you trust me?” he asked. That’s when I snapped.
“No, I don’t,” I told him bluntly. I explained how his lie violated our relationship and that until he repaid the first loan (which he clearly could afford to do), I wouldn’t consider helping again. He called me selfish and hung up.
Family Taking Sides
Word got around our family fast. Our mom thinks I should forgive and forget because “family helps family.” Our aunt took my side, reminding everyone how Jake burned her years ago on a similar deal. The family group chat became a battlefield of opinions.
The worst part? Jake started posting vague Facebook statuses about “learning who really has your back.” Mutual friends began asking what happened, forcing me to either look like the villain or expose his dishonesty – neither option felt good.
My Financial Boundaries
Here’s the thing people forget – that $5,000 wasn’t spare change to me. I’d saved it for a down payment on a house. I delayed my own plans to help him, believing it was a true emergency. Discovering it was all a lie felt like a punch to the gut.
I’ve worked hard to be financially responsible. My parents never taught us about money management, so I learned through mistakes. Jake never seemed to care. He lives paycheck to paycheck despite making good money, always blaming external factors rather than his designer shoe habit.
The Emotional Fallout
Beyond the money, this situation has damaged our relationship in ways I never anticipated. We used to talk weekly; now it’s strained small talk at best. Holidays feel awkward. Part of me wonders if I should just give him the money to keep the peace, but another part knows that enables the behavior.
What hurts most is realizing my brother valued a watch over our trust. He could have repaid me at any time but chose not to. That knowledge sits like a rock in my chest whenever we’re in the same room.
Was I Wrong?
So I turn to you, internet strangers. AITAH for refusing to loan my brother more money after he lied about his situation? Should I have given him another chance? Or was protecting myself from further deception the right call?
Part of me feels guilty because society tells us family comes first. But another part knows healthy relationships require honesty and accountability. If our roles were reversed, I would never have lied to him in the first place.
Moving Forward
For now, I’m standing firm on my boundary – no more loans until the first is repaid. I’ve offered to help Jake create a budget instead, but he scoffed at the idea. Our relationship may never be the same, but I’m learning that sometimes protecting your own well-being means saying no, even to family.
What would you do in my situation? Have you faced similar dilemmas with family and money? Share your thoughts in the comments – I could really use some perspective on whether I handled this right or if I should reconsider my stance.
