AITAH for Not Paying for My Brother’s Wedding After He Used My College Fund to Propose?

What happens when family expectations clash with personal sacrifices? In this explosive AITAH scenario, a young woman is asked to finance her brother’s wedding—despite the fact that he already spent her college savings on his engagement ring.

Is she heartless for saying no, or justified in drawing the line? Let’s dive into one of the most controversial AITAH stories yet.

A Family Fund—With Strings Attached

Our story comes from a 22-year-old woman, let’s call her Sara, who was raised in a middle-class family that believed in saving early for their kids’ futures. Her parents created a joint college fund for her and her older brother, Jay. The unspoken rule? Both kids would use the fund responsibly—for education only.

Fast forward a few years. Jay decided not to pursue college and instead started working in sales. When he met his now-fiancée, he wanted to propose in a big way. Without consulting anyone, he accessed the fund and spent nearly $18,000 on a custom ring and elaborate proposal trip.

Sara only found out when she received her financial aid statement and noticed a huge shortfall.

The Confrontation: “It’s Just Money, We’re Family”

When Sara asked her parents what happened, they confessed: they had allowed Jay to use the money because “he needed it more right now” and would eventually pay it back.

Sara was shocked and devastated. Her dream was to attend a private university with a strong program in environmental science. Now, she would need to take out large student loans just to enroll.

To make matters worse, a year later, Jay approached her again—this time asking if she could “help out” with the wedding expenses since he was short on funds.

Sara refused. Jay called her selfish. Their parents urged her to “be the bigger person” and contribute to family harmony. Sara stood her ground.

She turned to Reddit’s AITAH community for judgment: Was she the villain for refusing to pay for her brother’s wedding, even after he spent her college money on his proposal?

The Internet Reacts: AITAH? Absolutely Not.

The Reddit response was swift and brutal.

Top comment:

“You’re not the villain. Your brother stole your education to fund a party. That’s not family loyalty—that’s entitlement.”

Many users pointed out that even if the fund was technically shared, the way it was used should have been a joint decision. The lack of transparency—and Sara being left with debt while her brother throws a lavish wedding—left a sour taste in everyone’s mouth.

Others were more critical of the parents, accusing them of favoritism and financial irresponsibility.

The Deeper Issue: Financial Betrayal Within Families

It’s Not Just About the Money

At its core, this situation isn’t just about dollars and cents. It’s about broken trust. When families make financial promises—especially ones tied to a child’s future—those promises matter. Sara worked hard and followed the plan, only to watch her sacrifice be undermined.

This betrayal cuts deeper than money. It’s emotional, and it often leads to long-term resentment and estrangement if not addressed openly.

Emotional Blackmail in the Name of “Family”

Another recurring theme in this story is emotional manipulation. When Sara refused to fund the wedding, she was painted as “cold” and “unforgiving.” But the truth? She was being asked to fix a problem she didn’t cause—again.

The idea that love means endless sacrifice is outdated. Real family support is mutual, respectful, and fair—not guilt-driven.

Could This Have Been Handled Differently?

Absolutely—but not by Sara.

Her brother and parents should have:

• Discussed the college fund decision openly before accessing it.

• Set clear repayment terms if they were treating it like a loan.

• Respected Sara’s right to prioritize her education.

In an ideal world, Jay would have proposed with a ring he could actually afford—and left his sister’s future intact.

The Bigger Picture: Setting Financial Boundaries

 

Sara’s story is a cautionary tale for families sharing finances. Without clear boundaries and written agreements, good intentions can quickly turn into resentment.

Key takeaways:

• Always treat shared funds with transparency and respect.

• Don’t assume someone else’s money is up for grabs—even if they’re family.

• Setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s responsible.

Final Verdict: Sara’s Not the Villain

AITAH for refusing to pay for a wedding after my college fund was spent on a proposal? Reddit says: Absolutely not.

In fact, many believe Sara was more than generous in how she handled it. Standing up for herself, even when her family pressured her, shows strength and maturity.