AITAH for Not Letting My Best Friend’s Girlfriend Join Our Annual Guys’ Trip?

Every year for the past decade, my college friends and I have taken a week-long trip together. It’s our tradition—just the five of us, no partners, no kids, no exceptions. We look forward to it all year: a chance to unplug, reconnect, and be ourselves without distractions.

This year, everything changed.

One of my best friends, Mark, started dating his new girlfriend, Jenna, about six months ago. She’s great—friendly, smart, and fun to be around. But when Mark announced that he was planning to bring her along on our trip, I told him it wasn’t happening.

He didn’t take it well.

Now he’s accusing me of being controlling and exclusionary. I’m starting to wonder: AITAH for saying no?

The Tradition: Why This Trip Matters

Our annual trip is more than just a vacation. For us, it’s a ritual that helps keep our friendship strong. We all have demanding jobs, families, and commitments. That one week together is when we catch up, reminisce about old times, and talk about things we don’t always share with our partners or coworkers.

Over the years, we’ve all had girlfriends and wives, but everyone has always respected that this trip was a “just the guys” event. It’s part of why it works.

Mark has never had an issue with it—until now.

The Conflict: Breaking the Unspoken Rule

When Mark texted us that he’d booked Jenna’s ticket and couldn’t wait for us all to “get to know her better,” I was stunned. None of us had ever brought partners along. It wasn’t personal against Jenna—it was about keeping the spirit of the trip intact.

I called Mark and told him I thought this was a bad idea. I reminded him about our agreement and how much we all valued this time as a group of friends.

He said I was being unfair and acting like I had authority over who he spends time with. He argued that Jenna is important to him and that we should welcome her into our circle. He also said it was “weird and outdated” to have a guys-only trip now that we’re in our 30s.

I told him he was free to bring her on any other vacation—but this trip was just for us.

He hung up on me. A few hours later, I got a string of texts accusing me of being possessive, exclusionary, and even “threatened by women.”

The Reactions: Friends Caught in the Middle

Our other three friends were split. Two agreed with me and said it would completely change the vibe. One said he didn’t mind if Jenna came along but also understood why I felt strongly.

Since then, the group chat has been awkward. Mark hasn’t responded to any messages about planning, and Jenna posted on social media about how “some people can’t handle change or inclusivity.”

Now I’m wondering if I was too rigid. Was I so focused on tradition that I hurt my friend and made his girlfriend feel unwelcome?

Tradition vs. Inclusion: Where’s the Line?

This situation highlights a broader question about friendships as we get older: When do traditions stop being meaningful and start being exclusionary?

Arguments for Keeping the Guys’ Trip Guys-Only:

• Comfort and Openness: People behave differently when partners are around. The dynamic shifts, and it can feel like you can’t fully relax or talk about everything.

• Consistency: For years, everyone has respected the rule. Changing it without discussion sets a precedent.

• Boundaries: It’s healthy to have time apart from partners and families.

Arguments for Inviting Jenna:

• Growth and Change: Relationships evolve. Maybe including partners helps friendships stay relevant as everyone’s lives change.

• Inclusion: Mark may feel Jenna is part of his life now, and excluding her feels like excluding him by extension.

• Flexibility: Rules that were fine at 22 might not work at 35.

It’s possible that both perspectives are valid—and that’s what makes this so hard.

The Bigger Picture: Are Boundaries Selfish?

Some people believe boundaries are about control. But healthy boundaries protect the things that matter—like friendships that thrive on trust and shared experience.

The guys’ trip wasn’t created to exclude women. It was created to preserve a connection. But maybe the rule needs to be revisited if it’s now causing resentment.

A Path Forward: Can This Be Resolved?

 

I’ve thought a lot about how to move past this. Here are some ideas:

• Open Conversation: Rather than arguing over text, we could meet in person to talk calmly.

• Alternative Plans: Maybe we plan another trip that includes partners and keep this one just for us.

• Compromise: Could Jenna come for a day or two but not the whole week?

I don’t want to lose my friendship over this. But I also don’t want to abandon something that has been meaningful for all of us.

Am I the Villain Here?

So I’m asking you—AITAH for holding firm on a long-standing tradition, even if it meant telling my best friend his girlfriend couldn’t join?

Have you ever had to draw a line in a friendship? Did it backfire?