AITAH for Refusing to Let My Mother-in-Law Stay With Us After the Baby Arrives?

Having a baby is one of the most life-changing experiences a person can go through. But while new parents adjust to sleepless nights and endless diaper changes, there’s another challenge many face: family expectations. In today’s AITAH scenario, a new mom’s decision to set boundaries with her mother-in-law has ignited a heated debate. Is she protecting her peace, or being ungrateful?

Let’s unpack the situation in detail.

The Story: A New Baby and an Unwanted Houseguest

The original poster (let’s call her Anna, 29) shared on r/AITAH that she and her husband are expecting their first child. As the due date approached, Anna’s mother-in-law announced she’d be coming to stay with them “for a few weeks to help.”

But there was a catch: Anna didn’t actually want help—at least, not in that form.

She explained that she and her husband had already agreed to spend the first month alone as a family to bond with the baby and figure out their new routine without outside interference. They also wanted privacy as Anna recovered from childbirth.

When Anna politely told her mother-in-law that they preferred no overnight visitors during that time, the response was anything but understanding.

The Conflict: Family Expectations Meet Firm Boundaries

Anna’s mother-in-law was offended. She accused Anna of “keeping her grandchild away” and “pushing family out.” She insisted that her experience raising three kids meant she could be a valuable resource, and that Anna was being ungrateful by turning down her help.

Anna tried to compromise by suggesting that her mother-in-law could visit during the day and come by after the first month for an extended stay. But that only seemed to make things worse.

Her husband was caught in the middle—he supported Anna’s wishes but felt guilty about disappointing his mother.

Feeling overwhelmed, Anna posted to Reddit to ask: Am I the villain for setting this boundary?

Why Anna’s Stance Makes Sense

Many commenters on Reddit sided firmly with Anna. Here’s why:

• Postpartum Recovery Is Personal
  Healing after childbirth is unpredictable and often uncomfortable. Many new mothers don’t want to host overnight guests during this time.

• Bonding Time Is Critical
  The early weeks are a chance for parents to connect with their baby without outside pressure.

• Boundaries Aren’t Rejection
  Wanting privacy doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate your family’s love and support.

As one commenter put it:
“Your house, your baby, your rules. She had her turn to raise children—now it’s yours.”

Why Some People See Anna as Selfish

Still, not everyone agreed. A smaller group of commenters felt Anna was being too rigid:

• Many Cultures Expect Grandparents to Help
  In some families, it’s normal for grandparents to live with the new parents temporarily.

• Support Could Make Things Easier
  Extra hands around the house can relieve stress and help with chores and childcare.

• It’s Her Husband’s Mother Too
  Some argued that decisions about family visitors should be mutual, and Anna was prioritizing her preferences over her husband’s feelings.

One user wrote:
“Be careful about pushing people away. You may need her help more than you think.”

The Bigger Picture: Boundaries vs. Tradition

This situation highlights a clash between modern parenting styles and traditional family expectations. In many cultures, extended families are deeply involved after a baby is born. In others, independence and privacy are valued.

Neither approach is inherently wrong—but problems arise when expectations aren’t communicated clearly.

Anna and her husband tried to set boundaries early, but their mother-in-law didn’t respect them. That’s where the conflict began.

When Compromise Isn’t Possible

Sometimes, no compromise will please everyone. If Anna allows her mother-in-law to stay, she sacrifices her peace and comfort. If she insists on her boundary, she risks hurt feelings and family drama.

Here are a few potential middle-ground solutions:

• Short daytime visits a few times a week

• Scheduling an extended stay after the first month

• Having her mother-in-law help with errands and meals without overnight visits

• Setting clear expectations about visiting hours

Ultimately, the final decision belongs to Anna and her husband.

The Verdict: Not the Villain

Most people agreed that Anna was not the villain. Wanting privacy in the early postpartum weeks is normal, healthy, and reasonable. It’s also important for couples to establish their own routines without pressure.

Setting boundaries doesn’t mean rejecting family—it means defining what support looks like for you.