AITAH for Refusing to Help My Best Friend Financially After Years of Supporting Them?

Friendships can feel like family—until money enters the equation. One Reddit user shared how their closest friendship began unraveling when they finally said no to another request for financial help.

This AITAH scenario highlights the fine line between generosity and being taken advantage of, and asks: When does helping a friend become enabling?

The Situation: Years of Lending a Hand (and a Wallet)

The Original Poster (OP) explained that they’ve been best friends with “K” since college. Over the years, K has struggled to stay afloat—bouncing between jobs, racking up credit card debt, and relying on OP for everything from rent to groceries.

Whenever K was short, OP stepped in. A few dollars here, a few hundred there. It added up over time—more than OP was comfortable admitting to anyone else.

Finally, after losing another job, K called with an urgent request: a loan to cover two months of rent and bills, “just until things got better.” OP, feeling exhausted and stretched thin, said no.

That was when things exploded.

K accused OP of abandoning them in their darkest hour. Mutual friends said OP was heartless after all the “help K had given them emotionally.” Some even called OP privileged and selfish.

Now OP wonders: Am I the jerk for refusing to help, even though I’ve supported K for years?

Helping a Friend vs. Becoming Their ATM

Generosity Isn’t a Blank Check

It’s one thing to help a friend in crisis. It’s another to feel obligated to bankroll their lifestyle indefinitely.

Many commenters pointed out that OP’s repeated loans blurred boundaries. Each time OP said yes, K expected more. And when OP finally set a limit, K saw it as betrayal, not healthy self-preservation.

The Emotional Blackmail Trap

OP shared that K often said things like “I don’t have anyone else,” “You’re the only one I can count on,” and “You’d do this if you cared.”

These statements are textbook emotional manipulation. They create guilt and pressure, making it feel impossible to say no—even when you’re financially and emotionally drained.

Setting boundaries doesn’t make you a bad friend. It means you respect yourself enough to stop enabling harmful patterns.

Reddit’s Verdict: Not the Jerk—At All

Reddit’s AITAH community overwhelmingly sided with OP. Here are some of the top comments:

“You’ve done more than most people ever would. You don’t owe anyone your financial stability.”

“The fact that they called you selfish after YEARS of help proves you were being used.”

“Emotional support is not currency. You’re not heartless—you’re finally drawing a line.”

Others shared their own experiences of friendships that became transactional, ending only when someone finally said “enough.”

Boundaries Are Healthy, Not Cruel

The Myth of Endless Support

One of the biggest misconceptions in friendships is that loyalty means giving until you have nothing left. In reality, a healthy relationship respects both parties’ limits.

OP tried to help, over and over. But no amount of money was going to solve K’s deeper issues with responsibility and financial planning.

Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is step back and let someone face the consequences of their choices.

Saying No Doesn’t Erase the Past

K’s accusation—that OP had “never been there for them”—completely ignores years of support. This is a common tactic when someone feels entitled: rewriting history to justify their anger.

But the truth doesn’t change just because someone is upset.

OP’s decision didn’t erase the help they had given. It simply marked the moment they could no longer sacrifice themselves.

Moving Forward: Protecting Your Peace

Should You Ever Help Again?

Some commenters suggested OP might consider helping in the future—if K shows consistent, positive changes. But that’s OP’s choice alone.

Others recommended only offering non-financial support—like helping K find resources or budget counseling—rather than more money.

Letting Go of Guilt

Guilt is powerful, especially when it’s wrapped in the language of love and friendship. But OP isn’t responsible for K’s choices.

If K ends the friendship because OP can’t keep paying, that’s painful—but revealing. It shows the relationship was conditional all along.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not the Jerk for Setting Limits

Generosity is beautiful, but only when it’s mutual, respectful, and sustainable.

OP’s story is a reminder that friendships should lift you up—not drain you dry.

If someone reacts with anger when you say “I can’t,” it means your support was never seen as a gift. It was expected as an entitlement.