AITAH for Asking My Partner to Stop Talking to Their Ex After We Moved In Together?
Moving in together is a huge step in any relationship, often bringing new challenges and opportunities for growth. But what happens when unresolved past relationships interfere with your present happiness? That’s exactly what one Reddit user in the r/AITAH community experienced, sparking a heated debate about trust, boundaries, and respect.
This blog post explores the complexities behind the question: Am I the jerk for asking my partner to cut off contact with their ex after moving in together?
Living together often means blending lives more deeply—sharing routines, space, and emotions. For OP (Original Poster), the move was exciting, but it soon came with unexpected tension. Their partner maintained regular contact with an ex, including frequent messaging and occasional meetups.
OP initially felt uneasy but didn’t say much. Over time, however, the presence of the ex in their partner’s life began to feel like a wedge in their relationship. Feeling disrespected and uneasy, OP asked their partner to stop all contact with the ex.
The partner reacted defensively, arguing the relationship with the ex was “just friendship” and that OP was being controlling. The disagreement escalated, causing tension in the household.
Why Does Contact with an Ex Cause Such Strong Feelings?
Emotional Boundaries and Relationship Security
For many, contact with an ex represents unresolved feelings or boundaries being crossed. It’s natural to feel vulnerable when someone you love maintains ties with a former partner, especially after committing to a shared life.
OP’s discomfort reflects a common human desire for emotional security and exclusivity in romantic partnerships.
Distinguishing Between Friendship and Threat
While it’s possible to maintain platonic relationships with exes, not everyone feels comfortable with this dynamic. Trust is key, but it also requires transparency and respect for your partner’s feelings.
In this case, OP perceived the ongoing contact as disrespectful, raising the question: where is the line between harmless friendship and harmful attachment?
Reddit’s Verdict: AITAH or Reasonable?
The r/AITAH community largely sided with OP, emphasizing the importance of boundaries in committed relationships.
Comments included:
“Moving in together means new boundaries. Your partner should respect your feelings.”
“If the roles were reversed, would your partner feel comfortable with you staying in contact with an ex?”
“Trust is earned and maintained. Being dismissive of your partner’s feelings is not healthy.”
However, some argued that communication and compromise should guide the decision—not ultimatums.
Navigating Boundaries: How to Handle Ex-Relationships After Moving In
Open Communication Is Crucial
Before moving in, couples should discuss boundaries around ex-partners and social circles. Transparency helps prevent misunderstandings and feelings of betrayal.
Balance Respect with Trust
Trust your partner, but also honor your feelings. If something makes you uncomfortable, discuss it calmly and clearly.
Seek Compromise
Perhaps complete no-contact isn’t necessary. Agreeing on limited or public communication, or avoiding one-on-one meetings, might ease concerns while respecting autonomy.
Final Thoughts: Respect and Understanding Build Stronger Foundations
Relationships require ongoing effort, especially during big life changes like moving in together. Asking your partner to respect your feelings about exes is reasonable—not controlling—when approached with honesty and care.
The key takeaway from this AITAH story? Boundaries are essential, but so are empathy and open dialogue.
