AITAH for Asking My Roommate to Pay Extra Rent Because Her Boyfriend Basically Lives With Us?

Living with roommates can be a great way to save money and build friendships—until unspoken rules get broken. Today’s AITAH scenario comes straight from r/AITAH and highlights a common but tricky situation: what happens when your roommate’s significant other starts staying over all the time, using shared resources, and never chipping in financially?

Let’s break down this tense living arrangement and see who, if anyone, is the real villain.

The Situation: When One Roommate Becomes Two

The original poster, whom we’ll call Rachel, is a 26-year-old graphic designer who shares a two-bedroom apartment with her roommate, Jess. When they moved in together, they split all the costs—rent, utilities, groceries—down the middle.

For the first few months, everything went smoothly. But then Jess started dating Mark. What began as occasional overnight visits quickly turned into something more permanent.

According to Rachel, Mark now:

• Stays over 5-6 nights a week.

• Showers daily in their bathroom.

• Eats the shared groceries.

• Uses their internet and electricity constantly.

Despite essentially living there, Mark pays nothing toward any bills.

The Confrontation: Time to Pay Up

Rachel finally reached her limit when she came home from a long workday to find Mark playing video games in the living room, eating leftovers she had bought for herself. She sat Jess down and explained that Mark’s constant presence was increasing their utility bills and making her feel uncomfortable in her own home.

Rachel suggested one of two options:

1. Mark could limit his overnight stays to 1-2 nights per week.

2. If he planned to keep basically living there, he should chip in for rent and utilities.

Jess was immediately defensive.

“He’s my boyfriend,” she said. “He’s not taking up extra space. He’s just here because we love each other.”

She accused Rachel of being petty, controlling, and unsympathetic to their relationship.

Rachel turned to Reddit for perspective: AITAH for asking my roommate’s boyfriend to contribute financially if he’s going to be here all the time?

Reddit Responds: The Internet Takes Sides

The r/AITAH community did not hold back. The overwhelming consensus: Rachel is not the villain here.

Why Rachel’s Request Is Reasonable

• Cost Sharing: More people in the apartment mean higher expenses—water, electricity, internet, and food.

• Privacy Invasion: Rachel never signed up to live with Mark. She has the right to feel comfortable in her own home.

• Boundaries: Couples can still maintain respectful limits when sharing a space with others.

As one commenter put it:
“Your home is not their love nest. If he’s there that much, he’s effectively a third roommate and should be paying rent.”

Others chimed in with similar stories, emphasizing how common this dynamic is—and how important it is to set clear boundaries early.

The Case for Jess: Love Knows No Boundaries?

A small minority of commenters empathized with Jess, arguing:

• Modern Relationships: It’s normal for serious partners to spend most nights together.

• Emotional Support: For some people, being together constantly is a form of connection.

• Disruption: Asking for money could create conflict and strain the relationship.

Still, even those sympathetic to Jess acknowledged that the situation was unfair to Rachel.

Why “Unspoken Agreements” Often End in Conflict

Many roommate arrangements fall apart because people assume everyone shares the same understanding of fairness. But assumptions are dangerous.

Rachel and Jess probably never sat down to define what would happen if a partner basically moved in. This is one of the most common reasons roommate relationships deteriorate.

If you want to avoid the same fate, consider having a formal roommate agreement that covers:

• How many nights per week a partner can stay over

• Whether overnight guests contribute financially

• Rules for shared spaces and groceries

Clear expectations upfront can save everyone a lot of stress later.

What Should Happen Next?

Rachel has a few options moving forward:

• Reiterate her boundaries calmly: Make it clear this isn’t about punishing Jess or Mark—it’s about fairness and respect.

• Propose a written agreement: Outlining how expenses will be shared if Mark continues to stay over.

• Suggest Mark get his own place: If he and Jess want to be together full-time, it may be time for them to get their own apartment.

If Jess refuses to compromise or acknowledge the impact, Rachel may need to consider finding a new living situation.

Takeaway: Asking for Fairness Doesn’t Make You the Villain

This AITAH scenario highlights a truth many learn the hard way: even good roommates can become inconsiderate when personal relationships complicate shared spaces.

Rachel isn’t the villain for wanting her home to feel like her own—or for expecting that someone who benefits from her resources should help cover the costs.

If you’re in a similar situation, remember: setting clear boundaries isn’t rude or petty. It’s healthy.