AITAH for Kicking Out My Best Friend After She Secretly Tried to Date My Husband?
Friendship can survive a lot—distance, disagreements, even years apart—but what happens when your best friend crosses the ultimate line? In a recent post from the r/AITAH community, one user shared the shocking moment they discovered their closest friend was making moves on their spouse right under their nose. This story raises tough questions about loyalty, trust, and where to draw the line when betrayal hits too close to home.
The Background: A Friendship That Spanned Decades
OP (original poster) and her best friend “Tara” had been inseparable since college. They’d supported each other through heartbreaks, job changes, and family crises. When Tara lost her apartment during a rough patch, OP didn’t think twice before inviting her to move in.
The arrangement was supposed to last a few months while Tara saved up for her own place. But what started as a temporary solution quickly turned into a nightmare.
The Subtle Red Flags: When Boundaries Start to Blur
In the beginning, everything seemed fine. Tara helped with chores and contributed to groceries. But OP soon noticed little things that felt…off.
Tara would dress up when OP’s husband came home, wearing perfume she never bothered with before. She’d laugh a little too loudly at his jokes. She’d sit next to him on the couch, brushing his arm “accidentally.”
When OP mentioned feeling uncomfortable, Tara laughed it off as insecurity.
The Discovery: A Text That Changed Everything
One evening, OP’s husband left his phone on the kitchen counter. A notification popped up, and OP, expecting it to be a work email, glanced over.
Instead, it was a message from Tara:
“If you ever want to know what it’s like to be with a real woman, you know where my room is.”
OP felt sick. When she confronted her husband, he was horrified and showed her his side of the conversation. He’d never responded to Tara’s advances and was planning to tell OP everything.
The Fallout: Choosing Self-Respect Over History
OP immediately packed Tara’s things and asked her to leave. Tara sobbed, insisting she “didn’t mean anything by it” and that OP was overreacting.
Within hours, Tara’s story changed. She told mutual friends that OP was controlling and kicked her out over a “harmless crush.” Some friends took Tara’s side, arguing that OP should have been more understanding since Tara was going through a hard time.
Are You Obligated to Help Someone Who Betrays You?
This is where the AITAH question gets complicated. OP was torn between decades of friendship and the undeniable violation of trust.
Let’s look at the factors that make this so polarizing.
Boundaries Are Not Optional
Many Reddit commenters pointed out that Tara’s actions weren’t a harmless crush—they were predatory. Moving into someone’s home and then pursuing their spouse is a deep betrayal.
Healthy friendships have boundaries. If someone shows you they’re willing to cross them, you have every right to protect yourself and your relationship.
The “She’s Going Through a Hard Time” Excuse
Some people argued that Tara’s behavior was due to her stress and depression. While mental health struggles deserve compassion, they don’t justify violating someone’s marriage.
Empathy doesn’t mean tolerating harm. You can care about someone’s pain and still refuse to let them cause chaos in your life.
The Guilt Trip Tactic
OP shared that Tara sent multiple texts accusing her of “ruining her life.” This is a classic guilt trip—shifting blame onto the person enforcing boundaries.
It’s a painful manipulation. But remember: You are not responsible for someone else’s decisions, especially when they involve betrayal.
The Community Verdict: Not the Jerk
The overwhelming consensus in the AITAH community was that OP was not the jerk. One commenter summed it up perfectly:
“You offered her shelter and she repaid you by trying to steal your husband. You owe her nothing.”
Others shared their own stories of friends who overstepped, and how cutting ties was the healthiest choice.
How to Handle Similar Situations
If you ever find yourself in a scenario like this, here are a few steps to protect your peace:
1. Trust Your Instincts
If something feels wrong, don’t dismiss it. Those subtle red flags often point to bigger problems.
2. Confront the Issue Directly
Avoid passive-aggressive hints or vague conversations. Be clear about what you’ve observed and how it makes you feel.
3. Prioritize Your Relationship
If you’re married or in a committed partnership, preserving trust with your spouse comes first. United communication is essential.
4. Know When to Walk Away
Not every friendship can (or should) be salvaged. Sometimes, the healthiest thing you can do is end it.
Conclusion: Loyalty Should Be Mutual
This story is a reminder that loyalty in friendships isn’t just about showing up in good times—it’s about respecting each other’s boundaries and relationships. When someone proves they can’t do that, you have every right to protect yourself, no matter how long you’ve known them.
