AITAH For Making My Maid Clean My Partner’s Mother’s House

I never thought I’d be writing this, but here we are. I’m stuck in a moral dilemma, and I need unbiased opinions. My partner thinks I crossed a line, but I genuinely don’t see the big deal. So, Reddit, AITAH for making my maid clean my mother-in-law’s house?

The Backstory Explained

First, some context. My partner’s mother (let’s call her Carol) is in her late 60s and lives alone. She’s recovering from minor surgery and can’t do heavy cleaning. My partner works long hours, and I have a demanding job too. We already employ a part-time maid, Maria, who cleans our home twice a week.

Last weekend, Carol called, upset because her house was a mess and she couldn’t host her bridge club. Without thinking, I told Maria to go clean Carol’s place the next day—our usual cleaning day. I paid Maria extra, but my partner freaked out when they found out, saying I overstepped and treated Maria like “property.”

My Justification

Here’s why I thought it was fine:

• Maria was compensated fairly – I paid 1.5x her normal rate for the extra work.
• It was a one-time favor – Carol was in genuine need, and I didn’t want her straining herself.
• Maria agreed – She said yes when I asked (though my partner claims she might’ve felt pressured).

To me, this wasn’t different than asking a coworker to cover a shift. But now I’m second-guessing—was this a classist move?

Partner’s Reaction

My partner was furious. They accused me of:

• Treating Maria like a “servant” instead of an employee.
• Assuming Maria had no boundaries because of her job.
• Not consulting them first about their mother’s home.

They even suggested we apologize to Maria, which I refused—I paid her! But their words stuck with me. Was I being dismissive of Maria’s autonomy?

Maria’s Perspective

I asked Maria directly if she felt uncomfortable. She said no, but my partner thinks she’s just being polite. Here’s the thing: Maria has worked for us for three years. We’ve given her bonuses, flexible hours, and even wrote her a recommendation letter when her daughter applied to college.

Still, my partner argues that “no” isn’t always easy to say to an employer. I never considered that. Now I’m torn—did I exploit our power dynamic, or was this a harmless favor?

Cultural Differences

This might be relevant: I grew up in a household with hired help. My parents often sent our housekeeper to assist relatives. To me, this was normal. My partner, though, comes from a DIY family where hiring cleaners is rare. Could this be a clash of upbringings?

I genuinely thought I was helping, but now I wonder if my privilege blinded me. Should I have cleaned Carol’s house myself instead?

Reddit’s Verdict?

So, AITAH? Here’s what I need to know:

• Was it wrong to send Maria without asking my partner?
• Does paying extra justify the request?
• Should I apologize even if Maria says she’s fine?

I’m open to criticism, but I also think intent matters. I never meant to disrespect Maria or overstep. Maybe I just messed up by not communicating better.

Lessons Learned

If I could redo it, I’d:

1. Discuss with my partner first.
2. Frame it as a request, not an assignment, to Maria.
3. Offer alternatives (e.g., hiring a different cleaner for Carol).

But hindsight is 20/20. Right now, I just need to know: Am I the villain here?

Your Turn

What do you think? Drop your judgment in the comments—I can take it. And if you’ve been in a similar situation, how’d you handle it? Let’s discuss below!

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