AITAH for Not Giving My Seat to an Elderly Woman on the Train Because I Was Exhausted After a 12-Hour Shift?

Travelling home after a long day at work should be a moment of relief—but what if, the moment you finally sit down, you’re asked to give up your seat? In this r/AITAH post, one tired commuter faced exactly that choice and sparked a heated debate online about kindness, obligation, and self-care.

Let’s unpack what happened, why opinions were so divided, and what the Reddit jury ultimately decided.

The Situation – A Seat, a Shift, and a Showdown

The original poster (OP), a 26-year-old hospital nurse, shared that she was on her way home after working a 12-hour shift with no breaks. Her legs ached, her back hurt, and she was emotionally drained.

When she boarded the crowded evening train, she was relieved to find one open seat. She sat down, closed her eyes, and tried to zone out.

A few minutes later, an elderly woman got on and stood nearby. Another passenger tapped OP and said, “You should give up your seat.” OP quietly said, “I’m sorry, I can’t right now,” and looked away.

The Backlash – Stares, Comments, and Guilt

According to OP, the mood in the train car quickly turned. People whispered. A man muttered that “young people today have no respect.” The elderly woman didn’t say anything, but looked visibly uncomfortable.

When OP got home, she started doubting herself. She posted on r/AITAH, genuinely asking:
“I was exhausted and just couldn’t stand anymore. But I feel bad. AITAH?”

Reddit Responds – Compassion vs. Obligation

The AITAH community lit up with responses—thousands of them. But surprisingly, most agreed:
NTA – Not the Ahole.**

Here’s what they said:

• “You’re not a machine. You gave 12 hours of your day to helping others. You deserve to sit.”

• “Respect goes both ways. The elderly deserve kindness, but so do essential workers who are physically and emotionally exhausted.”

• “You didn’t yell. You didn’t insult anyone. You simply said ‘no.’ That’s not rude—it’s honest.”

Some even added:

“The blame is on the transit system for not having enough seating—not on you for being human.”

A Minority Disagreed

Still, a few Redditors felt differently:

• “It costs nothing to be kind.”

• “You could’ve asked someone else to give up their seat instead.”

But even those who leaned toward “soft YTA” acknowledged the situation was complex—and not about malice, but limits.

The Bigger Question – Are We Required to Sacrifice Comfort for Courtesy?

This story hit a nerve because it taps into something bigger: how we balance compassion for others with care for ourselves.

Yes, giving up your seat is a kind thing to do—but should it be expected, even when you’re at your own limit?

The top Reddit comment summed it up:

“Everyone’s got a story. That woman may be old, but you may be broken in ways she can’t see. Never assume someone is selfish just because they’re sitting down.”

Final Verdict: Was OP the A**hole?

Reddit says: NTA.
Being exhausted doesn’t make you heartless. Choosing rest after a day of helping others isn’t selfish. And while we should all strive to be kind, we shouldn’t shame those who are running on empty.