AITAH for Not Inviting My Dad to My Wedding Because He Brought His New Wife to My Mom’s Funeral?

Weddings are meant to be moments of joy, unity, and celebration. But for some, they’re also reminders of unresolved pain and family tensions. A recent post on r/AITAH sparked a heated debate when the original poster (OP) asked if they were wrong for not inviting their father to their wedding—because of a choice he made years earlier at their mother’s funeral.

In this blog, we unpack this emotional story, the difficult decisions that come with family estrangement, and whether drawing a line in the sand makes someone selfish—or simply human.

The Story: A Funeral, a New Wife, and an Unhealed Wound

OP lost their mother unexpectedly five years ago. At the time, their parents had only been divorced for a few months. Despite knowing it would be a difficult day for everyone, OP’s father chose to attend the funeral accompanied by his new wife—the woman he had started dating before the divorce was final.

According to OP, this devastated the grieving family. The funeral, meant to honor their mother, felt overshadowed by the discomfort and whispers caused by their father’s choice. OP said that moment “broke something permanently” in their relationship with their dad.

Now, years later, as OP prepares for their wedding, they made the decision not to invite their father. The dad is angry, insisting he’s being punished for something in the past, and that weddings are a time for healing, not division. Extended family members are pressuring OP to reconsider. But OP stands firm.

Why This Cut So Deep

Family events—funerals and weddings alike—carry deep emotional weight. In this case, OP’s pain wasn’t just about divorce or new partners. It was about timing, respect, and unresolved grief.

Bringing a new spouse to the funeral of your ex-wife, especially so soon after separation, can be seen as tone-deaf at best and intentionally disrespectful at worst. For OP, it symbolized a betrayal during one of the hardest moments of their life.

This wasn’t just a matter of etiquette—it was a lasting emotional scar.

Do You Owe Invitations to People Who’ve Hurt You?

One of the key debates in the comments section centered around this: Is a wedding a place for second chances, or a moment where you get to choose your peace?

Some Reddit users argued:

• “You’re allowed to protect your peace on your wedding day.”

• “Forgiveness doesn’t require access to your milestones.”

Others countered:

• “He’s still your dad.”

• “Holding grudges doesn’t heal anything.”

But here’s the truth: You don’t owe anyone access to your most personal, sacred events. Forgiveness can exist without forced closeness.

Setting Boundaries Isn’t the Same as Being Cruel

OP’s choice wasn’t made out of spite—it was made out of emotional necessity. Weddings are intensely personal, and no one should be pressured to invite someone who brings unresolved trauma.

Setting boundaries with family, especially with a parent, is one of the hardest things a person can do. But it’s often a sign of growth and self-respect—not bitterness.

Could This Have Been Handled Differently?

Some users suggested OP might have considered a conversation with their father ahead of time, to express lingering pain and offer a chance at understanding.

That’s a fair point. Communication can open doors, even when reconciliation isn’t the goal. But ultimately, the decision is still OP’s to make—and the burden of repair often falls on the person who caused the harm.

If OP’s dad never apologized for what happened at the funeral, it’s understandable that OP didn’t feel ready to make space for him on such an emotional day.

Final Thoughts: Weddings, Wounds, and Moving Forward

This story reminds us that behind every invitation—or lack thereof—there’s a history. Sometimes, protecting your peace means disappointing others. That doesn’t make you heartless. It makes you honest.

Whether or not OP chooses to reconnect with their father in the future, their choice to exclude him from their wedding is theirs to make—and that’s okay.