AITAH for not inviting my ex-best friend to my party?
Hey everyone, I need some honest opinions here. I recently threw a party to celebrate my birthday, and I deliberately didn’t invite my ex-best friend, Sarah. Now, mutual friends are saying I was petty and unfair. But after everything that happened between us, I just couldn’t bring myself to include her. So, AITAH? Let me explain the whole story, and you can decide.
The Friendship Breakdown
Sarah and I were inseparable for eight years. We met in college, lived together for a while, and even traveled across Europe together. But last year, things took a nosedive when she started dating my ex, Jake. Now, I wasn’t hung up on Jake—we’d broken up amicably—but Sarah never even asked how I’d feel about it. She just dropped the news like it was no big deal.
When I told her I needed time to process it, she accused me of being jealous and controlling. We had a huge fight, and she ended up ghosting me for months. The few times we did talk, she made snide comments about me “not being over Jake,” even though I was already seeing someone else.
The Party Planning
Fast forward to last month. I was organizing my 30th birthday party—a big milestone for me. I rented out a nice lounge, hired a DJ, and made a guest list of close friends and family. Sarah’s name never crossed my mind. Honestly, after how things ended, I didn’t want any drama on my special night.
But then, a mutual friend, Lisa, asked if Sarah was coming. When I said no, Lisa looked shocked. “You guys were so close,” she said. “Isn’t this a bit harsh?” Suddenly, I started second-guessing myself. Was I being too bitter? Should I have just extended the invite for old times’ sake?
The Social Media Fallout
After the party, photos started popping up on Instagram—me laughing with friends, cutting the cake, dancing. Then I noticed Sarah had posted a vague but pointed story: “Funny how people show their true colors. Happy birthday to me, I guess.” A few of our mutuals liked it, and suddenly, my DMs were flooded with messages asking why I’d “excluded” her.
Some said I should’ve been the “bigger person.” Others accused me of holding a grudge. But here’s the thing: I wasn’t trying to make a statement. I just didn’t want someone at my party who’d hurt me and never apologized.
Was It Really Petty?
I get why people might think it was a petty move. Birthdays are supposed to be about joy and inclusivity, right? But here’s my perspective: Sarah burned that bridge when she chose a fling with my ex over our friendship and then treated me like I was the problem.
Plus, if I had invited her, wouldn’t that have been awkward for everyone? Imagine forced small talk while she clung to Jake all night (yes, they’re still together). No thanks. I wanted my party to be a happy space, not a reunion for unresolved tension.
Mutual Friends Taking Sides
The worst part? Our friend group is now split. Some are Team Sarah (“She didn’t technically do anything wrong!”). Others are Team Me (“Boundaries are healthy!”). A few have even unfollowed me online. It’s exhausting.
Lisa keeps playing mediator, saying we should “talk it out.” But what’s there to say? Sarah hasn’t reached out to apologize, and I’m not chasing someone who clearly doesn’t value me. Still, the guilt trips are getting to me. Maybe I should’ve just sent the invite to keep the peace?
Moving Forward
At this point, I’m torn. Part of me regrets not handling it more gracefully. The other part thinks: Why should I cater to someone who disrespected me? I don’t owe her an invitation just because we used to be close.
But the drama is draining. Next time, maybe I’ll skip the big party and do something low-key. Or maybe I’ll double down and say, “Yes, I excluded her, and here’s why.” Either way, I’m done feeling guilty for protecting my peace.
Your Verdict?
So, AITAH? Was I justified in leaving Sarah off the guest list, or was it an immature move? Have you ever been in a similar situation? Drop your thoughts in the comments—I could use some outside perspective. And if you’ve ever cut off a toxic friend, share how you handled it. Let’s get real about friendship breakups!
P.S. If you related to this story, hit share. Maybe someone out there needs to hear they’re not alone in setting boundaries.
