AITAH for Refusing to Attend My Coworker’s Destination Wedding?
Let me start by saying: I love celebrating love. But when my coworker, Sarah, handed me a save-the-date for her destination wedding in Bali—complete with a $3,000+ price tag just for flights and lodging—I panicked. Was I obligated to go? Would saying no make me the office villain? Here’s why I declined… and why I’m still wondering if I’m the a**hole.
The Invitation Shock
Sarah and I aren’t close. We exchange pleasantries by the coffee machine and collaborate on maybe two projects a year. So when she slid that glittery envelope across my desk with a dramatic “You’re invited,” my first thought was: “Is this a mistake?” Nope. The invitation listed a five-day resort stay, group excursions, and a black-tie reception—all requiring PTO and a hefty budget.
My Immediate Concerns
Three problems hit me instantly:
- Cost: I’m saving for a house. Dropping $3K+ felt irresponsible.
- Time Off: I’d burn half my annual PTO on someone else’s wedding.
- Our Relationship: Were we really “fly to Bali together” friends?
I Googled “destination wedding etiquette” obsessively, but opinions were split. Some said declining was rude; others called destination weddings “selfish.” I was torn.
The Awkward Decline
I practiced my response for days. When I told Sarah, “I’m so honored, but I can’t make it work financially,” her smile froze. “Oh… okay,” she said, then walked away. The office vibe shifted. Suddenly, I was the topic of hushed lunch conversations. One colleague even asked, “You’re really not going?” like I’d committed a crime.
Office Fallout
Sarah never confronted me directly, but the passive-aggression was palpable. She stopped inviting me to group lunches and “forgot” to CC me on emails. Meanwhile, five other coworkers (all with higher salaries or no savings goals) RSVP’d “yes.” Now I’m the odd one out. Even my manager joked, “Guess who’s covering your workload while everyone’s in Bali?”
Family and Friends Weigh In
Outside work, reactions were mixed:
- My Partner: “You did the right thing. That’s a ridiculous ask.”
- My Sister: “It’s a once-in-a-lifetime event! Couldn’t you budget?”
- Best Friend: “If she wanted you there, she’d have helped with costs.”
Their conflicting advice left me more confused. Was I being practical… or cheap?
Was I Wrong?
Here’s my dilemma: I don’t regret prioritizing my finances, but I hate that it hurt a (admittedly surface-level) relationship. Maybe I could’ve sent a nicer gift or offered to celebrate locally post-wedding. Still, part of me thinks: If you choose a destination wedding, you accept that some people can’t come.
Final Thoughts
Destination weddings test social boundaries. Was I the a**hole? Maybe to Sarah. But to my bank account and future self? Absolutely not. If anything, this taught me to set clearer boundaries at work—and that “no” is a complete sentence.
What do you think? Would you have gone? Let’s debate in the comments!
