AITAH For Refusing To Babysit My Nephew On Holidays
I never thought setting boundaries with family would make me question my morals. But here I am, wondering: Am I the a**hole for refusing to babysit my nephew during holidays? My sister thinks I’m being selfish, but I believe I have valid reasons. Let me explain my side, and you tell me if I’m in the wrong.
The Holiday Expectations
Ever since my nephew was born three years ago, my sister and brother-in-law have assumed I’d be available for free babysitting during every major holiday. At first, I didn’t mind helping out occasionally. But now it’s become an expectation – Christmas Eve, New Year’s Day, Easter, you name it.
Last Thanksgiving was the breaking point. They dropped him off at 7 AM and didn’t return until 10 PM, missing three of my “please come get him” texts. I spent the entire day watching a toddler instead of relaxing or seeing friends. When I expressed my frustration, my sister said, “That’s what family does! You’re single with no kids – what else would you be doing?”
My Breaking Point
This year, when my sister texted her “usual holiday schedule” for me to watch my nephew, I finally said no. I explained that while I love my nephew, holidays are my only time off from a demanding job, and I want to spend them how I choose.
The backlash was immediate. My mom called saying I was being selfish. My sister accused me of not loving my nephew. My brother-in-law passive-aggressively posted on Facebook about “family members who only show up for the fun parts.” But here’s the thing – I didn’t sign up to be a third parent.
The Financial Aspect
What makes this harder is that my sister knows I’m financially stable while they struggle. She uses this as leverage: “We can’t afford a sitter, and you have the space!” But I’ve worked hard for my stability – including turning down holiday travel to save money in my 20s.
I’ve suggested compromises like splitting childcare costs or rotating with other relatives, but they refuse. It’s my way or guilt trips. Last month, I even found out they paid for a couples’ spa day while I was watching their son for free on Memorial Day weekend.
Missing Important Events
Because of this dynamic, I’ve missed:
- My best friend’s New Year’s Eve wedding
- Three consecutive Friendsgivings
- My partner’s family Christmas (which caused huge tension)
- A once-in-a-lifetime concert on July 4th weekend
When I mention these sacrifices, my family says “those aren’t real family obligations.” But why does their time matter more than mine?
Setting Healthy Boundaries
After therapy, I’ve learned that “no” is a complete sentence. I told my sister I’d be happy to babysit one holiday per year if scheduled in advance, but the rest are mine. The explosion that followed confirmed I’d been taken for granted.
What hurts most is that they never ask about my plans or offer compensation. It’s pure entitlement. My therapist pointed out that if I were male, they’d probably never expect this level of childcare from me – an interesting perspective that resonated.
Family Reactions Now
Since establishing boundaries, family gatherings are tense. My nephew (who I adore) asks why I don’t see him as much. My parents say I’m “tearing the family apart.” But I’ve noticed something revealing – none of them have volunteered to take my place as holiday babysitter.
I still show up for birthdays, take my nephew to the park monthly, and video call weekly. But protecting my limited vacation time doesn’t make me a villain… does it?
Your Verdict Please
So tell me honestly – AITAH here? Should family always come first, even at the expense of your own wellbeing? Or is it reasonable to want holidays for yourself sometimes?
If you’ve been in similar situations, how did you handle it? Share your thoughts in the comments below. And if you think I’m being unfair, I’m open to hearing that too – maybe there’s a perspective I’m missing.
Subscribe for more real-life dilemma discussions! Next week I’ll be tackling “AITAH for not splitting my inheritance with my step-siblings?”
