AITAH for Refusing to Help My Best Friend Move Because I Was Tired of Being Her Free Labor?
Moving can be stressful—but what if helping becomes a never-ending expectation? One Reddit user found themselves at the breaking point after years of doing all the heavy lifting for their best friend.
This AITAH story explores when helping a friend turns into being taken advantage of—and whether it’s fair to finally say no.
The Background: A Long History of Helping
The Original Poster (OP) shared that they’ve been best friends with “Kayla” since college. Over the past decade, Kayla has moved five times, and every single time, OP has been the first call.
OP always agreed to help—packing, hauling boxes, cleaning the old place—often spending entire weekends moving furniture. Kayla never offered payment, gas money, or even dinner, just thanked OP and assumed they’d be on board next time.
When Kayla recently announced she was moving again (to a larger apartment this time), OP finally declined. They explained they were exhausted from being the default mover and couldn’t spend another weekend giving free labor.
Kayla was shocked, called OP “selfish,” and said “real friends help no matter what.” Other mutual friends chimed in, some agreeing with OP, others insisting that it’s what friends are supposed to do.
Now OP is wondering: Am I the jerk for drawing the line after years of helping for free?
When Generosity Turns into Expectation
The Difference Between Helping and Being Used
There’s a world of difference between lending a hand occasionally and being someone’s unpaid moving crew every year. OP didn’t mind helping at first—but over time, Kayla stopped even asking politely and just assumed.
Many Redditors pointed out that when a favor becomes an expectation, it stops being a favor. It becomes exploitation.
The Emotional Toll of One-Sided Friendship
OP described feeling resentful and drained. Every time Kayla moved, it meant giving up personal plans, exhausting themselves physically, and never receiving a gesture of appreciation beyond a casual “thanks.”
That’s not how healthy friendship works.
Reddit’s Verdict: Not the Jerk
Reddit was nearly unanimous: OP is not the jerk.
Here are some of the top comments:
“Helping a friend once or twice is kindness. Expecting it endlessly without gratitude is entitlement.”
“Your time and energy are valuable. You don’t owe anyone free labor forever.”
“She can hire movers like an adult.”
Many also noted that Kayla’s reaction—immediately calling OP selfish—was a red flag indicating she saw OP as a resource, not an equal.
Why Saying No is Sometimes the Healthiest Option
Your Time Matters Too
OP works full-time and has their own obligations. Giving up weekends repeatedly took a toll.
Just because you can help doesn’t mean you must.
Setting boundaries is a sign of self-respect—not cruelty.
Boundaries Are Part of Grown-Up Friendships
Healthy friendships can handle “no.” If Kayla had valued OP beyond what she could get from them, she might have reacted with understanding rather than outrage.
Could This Have Been Handled Differently?
Some commenters suggested OP could have offered limited help (a few hours, not the entire move). Others felt OP did exactly the right thing—drawing a clear line before resentment destroyed the friendship.
A few said Kayla might eventually realize her behavior was unfair. But that’s her lesson to learn—not OP’s burden to fix.
Final Thoughts: You’re Not the Jerk for Valuing Yourself
When helping becomes habit and habit becomes expectation, it’s okay to say enough.
The AITAH community agreed: OP wasn’t wrong for finally prioritizing their own time and energy.
If someone gets angry because you set a boundary, it proves the boundary was needed all along.
