AITAH for Refusing to Help My Brother Financially After He Cut Me Off for Years?

Family and finances rarely mix well—but what happens when someone who once ghosted you comes back with a desperate request for help? In this AITAH scenario, we explore the messy dynamic between siblings divided by pride, money, and unresolved resentment.

The Backstory: Years of Silence

The original poster (let’s call him Rohan, 35) took to Reddit’s r/AITAH forum with a dilemma that has divided readers. According to Rohan, he and his older brother, Arjun (38), used to be close growing up. But things changed about seven years ago when Rohan came out as gay.

While his parents were supportive, Arjun was not. After a few heated arguments and passive-aggressive comments, Arjun eventually cut ties. He stopped responding to texts, didn’t show up to family gatherings if Rohan was present, and even blocked him on social media.

Rohan, hurt but determined not to chase after someone who rejected him, moved on with his life. He built a solid career in IT, bought an apartment, and maintained a close relationship with their parents.

Fast forward to the present: Arjun is struggling. A failed business venture and mounting debts have put him in a tight spot. Recently, he reached out to Rohan for the first time in years—with a request for a significant loan.

Rohan said no.

The Conflict: Family Forgiveness vs. Financial Boundaries

Arjun’s plea was emotional. He admitted he was “wrong in the past” and “just trying to survive.” He claimed he had changed and just needed a helping hand. Their parents, caught in the middle, urged Rohan to forgive and forget, calling it “a test of character.”

But Rohan wasn’t convinced. He told Arjun he was happy he was trying to turn things around, but didn’t feel comfortable loaning money after being estranged for years. He offered to help in non-financial ways—like reviewing his resume or connecting him with recruiters—but that wasn’t what Arjun wanted.

Arjun accused Rohan of being petty and holding a grudge. Their parents echoed that sentiment. Feeling conflicted, Rohan turned to Reddit: AITAH for refusing to help my brother financially after he cut me out of his life?

Reddit’s Verdict: Largely in Rohan’s Favor

The AITAH community is rarely unanimous—but this time, the majority supported Rohan.

“You don’t owe money to people who discarded you like garbage,” one commenter wrote. “He didn’t want a brother for years, now he wants a bank.”

Another top comment read: “Offering to help him job hunt is more generous than I’d be. You’ve moved on—he’s facing the consequences of his choices.”

Still, some users saw shades of gray.

“Yes, he was wrong. But holding money over his head now that he’s desperate might not be the best look,” said one user. “Consider whether you’d regret this if something happened to him.”

The Bigger Issue: Trust, Trauma, and Time

Financial Help Isn’t Just About Money

When someone asks for money—especially a large amount—it’s not just a transaction. It’s a matter of trust. Can you believe this person will repay it? Will they respect your boundaries? Will it change your relationship?

For Rohan, the issue wasn’t the money itself—it was the pain behind it. How do you open your wallet to someone who closed their heart to you?

Family Guilt Can Be Manipulative

There’s a strong cultural and emotional script that says: “You always help family.” But what happens when family hasn’t helped you?

Arjun re-entered Rohan’s life with a request—not an apology. And even if he had apologized sincerely, reconciliation takes time, not just transactions.

When Saying “No” Is a Form of Self-Respect

Rohan’s refusal isn’t about revenge—it’s about self-protection. He spent years healing from a relationship that was abruptly cut off. Rebuilding trust takes more than a crisis—it takes consistent effort, accountability, and time.

It’s okay to have compassion. But it’s also okay to have boundaries.

What Could Have Been Done Differently?

For Rohan:

• If open to reconciliation, he could suggest therapy or mediated conversation to rebuild trust.

• Set clear expectations: no money, but emotional support and career guidance.

For Arjun:

• Lead with a heartfelt apology—not a request.

• Understand that rebuilding a burned bridge doesn’t happen overnight.

• Accept that “no” is not an act of cruelty—it’s a boundary.

Final Thoughts: AITAH or Just Human?

Not every “no” makes you a villain. Sometimes, it’s the most honest answer you can give.

Rohan isn’t punishing his brother—he’s protecting himself. And in a world where emotional wounds are often minimized in the name of “family unity,” that’s a powerful, valid choice.