AITAH for Refusing to Help My Friend Move for the Third Time This Year?

Moving is stressful. Helping someone move? Even more so. But what happens when a friend expects you to drop everything—again—to haul boxes up three flights of stairs? That’s the dilemma I faced last weekend, and now I’m left wondering: Am I the a**hole for saying no?

Let me set the scene. My friend, let’s call her Sarah, has moved three times in the last 10 months. Each time, she’s asked for my help—and each time, I’ve said yes. But this time, I put my foot down. Was it justified, or did I fail the friendship test? Let’s break it down.

The First Two Moves

The first time Sarah asked for help, I didn’t hesitate. She was leaving a bad living situation, and I wanted to support her. I spent an entire Saturday lifting furniture, packing dishes, and even helping her clean the old place. It was exhausting, but I figured it was a one-time thing.

Then, four months later, she texted: “Hey, I found a better apartment! Can you help me move this weekend?” I was surprised—hadn’t she just settled in? But I agreed, thinking maybe this was her forever home. Spoiler: It wasn’t.

The Third Ask

Fast-forward to last month. Another text: “So… I’m moving again. Can you help?” This time, I hesitated. Sarah’s reasons were vague—something about “bad vibes” and a noisy neighbor. Meanwhile, I had plans that weekend—my sister’s birthday brunch—and honestly, I was just tired of being treated like free labor.

I told her I couldn’t make it. She replied with a guilt trip: “I guess I’ll just do it alone… again.” Ouch. But was I wrong to prioritize myself this time?

The Friendship Dynamic

Here’s the thing: Sarah and I have been friends since college, but lately, our relationship feels one-sided. I’m always the one helping—moving, listening to her problems, picking her up when her car breaks down. When was the last time she checked in on me?

I started wondering: Is this really about moving, or is it about respect? If the roles were reversed, would she drop everything to help me? I’m not so sure.

Setting Boundaries

After I said no, Sarah was distant for a few days. Then, she texted: “I found someone else to help, but it wasn’t the same.” Part of me felt guilty, but another part stood firm. I realized I’d been letting her take advantage of my willingness to help—and that wasn’t healthy for either of us.

Boundaries aren’t about being selfish; they’re about self-respect. If I keep saying yes when I mean no, I’m teaching people they can always expect my time, no matter the cost to me.

The Aftermath

Sarah eventually apologized, sort of. “I didn’t realize I was asking so much,” she said. But the damage was done—I’d seen how quickly she turned passive-aggressive when I set a limit. Now, I’m questioning whether this friendship is as balanced as I thought.

Was I wrong to refuse? Maybe. But was it necessary? Absolutely. Sometimes, saying no is the only way to show someone how much they’ve been taking you for granted.

Was I the A**hole?

So, AITAH? On one hand, friends help each other. On the other, friendship isn’t a free pass to demand unlimited favors. Three moves in a year is a lot, especially when the reasons seem flimsy. If Sarah had a real emergency, I’d be there in a heartbeat—but this felt like a pattern, not a crisis.

I don’t regret saying no. But I do regret not setting boundaries sooner. Maybe this was the wake-up call our friendship needed—or maybe it’s the beginning of the end. Either way, I’m done being the always-available friend.

What Would You Do?

Now I want to hear from you: Was I wrong to refuse? Have you ever been in a similar situation? How did you handle it? Drop a comment below—I’m curious whether I’m the villain here or just someone who finally learned to say no.

And if you’ve ever been the friend who asks for too much… maybe take this as a sign to check in on your people. Are you giving as much as you’re taking? Because if not, you might be the a**hole after all.