AITAH For Refusing To Host My Friend’s Surprise Party
I never thought I’d be in this position, but here I am—questioning whether I made the right call. A close friend asked me to host a surprise party for another mutual friend, and I flat-out refused. Now, our friend group is divided, and I’m being labeled as selfish. But was I really the AH here? Let me explain the situation, and you can decide.
The Party Request
Last week, my friend Sarah called me out of the blue. She was excitedly planning a surprise 30th birthday party for our mutual friend Lisa. Before I could even process the idea, she said, “We’re thinking of hosting it at your place—your apartment is perfect for it!”
I was taken aback. Not only was this the first I was hearing about it, but Sarah had already decided my home was the venue without asking. I live in a small two-bedroom apartment, and the last time I hosted a gathering, it was chaotic. Plus, I’ve been swamped with work and personal commitments.
When I hesitated, Sarah immediately pushed back: “Come on, it’s just one night! Lisa would be so disappointed if we didn’t do this for her.” That’s when I said no.
Why I Said No
My refusal wasn’t just about space—though that was a big factor. Here’s why I couldn’t say yes:
1. No Prior Discussion: Sarah assumed I’d be okay with it without ever consulting me. That felt disrespectful.
2. My Mental Load: I’ve been dealing with a high-pressure project at work, and the thought of cleaning, prepping, and hosting 20+ people was overwhelming.
3. Past Experiences: The last party I hosted left my place damaged (a wine stain on my couch that never came out), and people overstayed until 3 AM. I didn’t want a repeat.
I suggested alternative venues—a restaurant, a park, even someone else’s house—but Sarah insisted mine was the “only option.”
The Backlash Begins
After I said no, Sarah didn’t take it well. She told our friend group that I was “being difficult” and “not a team player.” Suddenly, I was getting texts from others:
“It’s just one night, why can’t you suck it up?”
“Lisa’s been there for you—this is the least you could do.”
Even Lisa, who still doesn’t know about the party, messaged me asking if everything was okay between us because people were acting “weird.” The guilt-tripping was intense.
Setting Boundaries
I’ve always struggled with saying no, but this time, I held firm. I explained to Sarah:
“I love Lisa, and I want to celebrate her, but my home isn’t available for this. I’m happy to help plan or chip in for a venue, but hosting isn’t an option.”
Sarah accused me of making excuses. That’s when I realized—this wasn’t about Lisa. This was about Sarah’s vision for the party, and my boundaries were inconvenient for her.
The Fallout
The party ended up happening at another friend’s place, but the atmosphere was tense. A few people gave me side-eye all night, and Sarah barely spoke to me. Lisa had a great time, thankfully, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d somehow failed as a friend.
Later, I found out Sarah had promised Lisa a “big party at your favorite place”—implying my apartment, since Lisa loves my rooftop view. That added another layer of guilt, even though I never agreed to any of it.
Was I Wrong?
Now, I’m left wondering: AITAH? Should I have just dealt with the stress to make Lisa’s birthday special? Or was I right to prioritize my own limits?
On one hand, friendship sometimes means sacrifices. On the other, why should I be the only one inconvenienced when there were other options?
I don’t regret setting boundaries, but I hate that it caused drama. Maybe I could’ve handled it better, but Sarah’s entitlement really rubbed me the wrong way.
What Do You Think?
Now it’s your turn—was I the AH for refusing to host? Have you ever been in a similar situation? Drop your thoughts in the comments below. If you’ve ever stood your ground on boundaries, share how it went! Let’s discuss.
And if you found this post relatable, don’t forget to share it with others who might need the reminder: it’s okay to say no.
