AITAH for Refusing to Include My Ex in a Family Tradition?
Family traditions are sacred—they’re the glue that holds memories together across generations. But what happens when an ex-partner, once deeply woven into those traditions, expects to remain included after a breakup? That’s the dilemma I’m facing, and I need your honest judgment: Am I the asshole (AITAH) for refusing to include my ex in a family tradition?
The Tradition Explained
Every year, my family hosts a “Founders’ Feast”—a celebration honoring my grandparents, who immigrated and built our family legacy. It’s a multi-day event filled with storytelling, recipes passed down for decades, and a sense of belonging. For five years, my ex, Jamie, was part of it. They bonded with my siblings, learned secret family recipes, and even gave speeches. But after our messy breakup (initiated by them), I assumed their involvement was over.
The Unexpected Request
Two weeks ago, Jamie texted: “Hey, I know it’s awkward, but Founders’ Feast means a lot to me. Can I still come this year?” My stomach dropped. Jamie had cheated, lied, and moved on within weeks of our breakup. Letting them back into this intimate space felt like a betrayal to myself—and to my family, who’d supported me through the heartbreak.
Family Reactions Divided
When I asked my family’s opinion, chaos ensued. My mom argued, “Traditions evolve; maybe Jamie’s like family now.” My brother snapped, “After what they did? Hell no.” Even my usually quiet dad said, “It’s your call, but don’t martyr yourself.” Their split reactions left me more conflicted than ever.
My Final Decision
I told Jamie no. Politely but firmly: “This tradition is for family and those who honor it. Right now, that doesn’t include you.” They called me petty and accused me of “erasing our history.” But here’s the thing—our history includes their betrayal. Shouldn’t traditions reflect current relationships, not past ones?
The Backlash Begins
Jamie vented on social media (vaguebooking at its finest), and mutual friends took sides. One said, “You’re punishing them for moving on.” Another argued, “Boundaries aren’t punishments.” The guilt gnaws at me—was I too harsh? Or was I finally prioritizing my healing?
Why Traditions Matter
Traditions aren’t just routines; they’re emotional contracts. Including Jamie would mean pretending nothing happened, forcing smiles while old wounds ache. But excluding them feels like admitting our love—and its place in my family—meant nothing. There’s no perfect answer, only consequences.
Your Verdict?
So, I’m turning to you: AITAH for refusing to include my ex in this family tradition? Was I right to protect my peace, or did I cross into bitterness? Share your thoughts in the comments—I’m ready for the judgment (and maybe some therapy recommendations).
P.S. If you’ve faced a similar dilemma, how did you handle it? Let’s normalize messy, human decisions.
