AITAH for Refusing to Let My Partner Decorate the Apartment Alone?
Moving in with my partner was supposed to be exciting – until the decorating disagreements started. I never thought I’d be questioning whether I’m the unreasonable one for wanting equal input in our shared space. But here we are. So, internet strangers, I need your honest judgment: AITAH for refusing to let my partner take full control of decorating our apartment?
The Decorating Dispute Begins
When we first got the keys to our new apartment, my partner immediately started talking about their “vision” for the space. At first, I was happy they were excited – until I realized this “vision” didn’t include my input. They began making unilateral decisions about furniture, color schemes, and even where my belongings would go.
I tried to gently suggest we make decisions together, but they brushed me off with comments like “You don’t really have an eye for design” and “I’ve been planning this for years.” When I pushed back more firmly, they accused me of being controlling and not trusting their taste.
Why I Stood My Ground
Here’s why I refused to back down: this isn’t just their apartment – it’s our home. I spend just as much time here, pay just as much rent, and deserve just as much say in how it looks and feels. Beyond the practicalities, home decor affects mood and comfort. Shouldn’t we both feel at home in our own space?
Some specific issues that came up:
- My book collection: They wanted to box up most of my books to maintain a “minimalist aesthetic”
- Wall colors: They chose an all-gray scheme without consulting me
- Furniture placement: They rearranged my home office setup without asking
Their Perspective
To be fair, my partner does have some valid points. They’ve always been more into interior design than me – they follow decor accounts, save inspiration photos, and genuinely enjoy the process. They argue that because they care more, they should have more control. They also claim I’m being inconsistent because I’ve said in the past that I don’t care much about decor.
But here’s the thing: not caring about decor isn’t the same as not caring about my living environment. There’s a big difference between being indifferent to throw pillow patterns and being forced to live with design choices that make me uncomfortable.
Compromise Attempts Failed
I suggested several compromises:
- Dividing rooms – they design the living room, I design the bedroom
- Creating mood boards together to find overlapping styles
- Hiring an interior designer to mediate
They rejected all of these. The room division idea was dismissed because “the whole apartment should flow together.” The mood board suggestion led to them dominating the process anyway. And the professional mediator was too expensive, apparently, though they had no problem buying a $2,000 designer lamp without consulting me.
What Friends and Family Say
Our social circle is divided. My friends say I’m right to demand equal say in our shared home. Their friends say I should appreciate having a partner who wants to make our space beautiful. Our parents are split along similar lines.
My sister made an interesting point: “If they’re this controlling about decor, what happens when you need to make bigger life decisions together?” That really stuck with me. Is this really about throw pillows, or is it about respect and partnership?
Where We Stand Now
Currently, we’re at a decorating standstill. Half the apartment reflects their vision, the other half remains undecorated because I’ve refused to approve anything until we find a real compromise. The tension is affecting our relationship, but I don’t know how to back down without feeling like I’m surrendering my right to feel at home in my own apartment.
So here’s my question to you: AITAH for refusing to let my partner decorate our apartment alone? Am I being unreasonable by insisting on equal input even though they care more about decor? Or is this about fundamental respect in a shared living space?
What Do You Think?
I’m genuinely torn about whether I’m being unfair here. On one hand, I want us both to love our home. On the other, I can’t shake the feeling that being excluded from these decisions sets a bad precedent for our relationship. Have you been in a similar situation? How did you handle it?
Leave your judgment in the comments – am I the unreasonable one here? Should I let my partner take the lead on decorating since they care more? Or is this about something bigger than interior design? I’m ready to hear your honest opinions, even if they’re hard to hear.
And if you’ve navigated this kind of conflict successfully, please share your advice! We could really use some strategies for finding common ground that don’t leave one of us feeling resentful.
