AITAH for Refusing to Split the Bill on a Date Because I Didn’t Order Anything?
Let me set the scene: I (28F) went on a first date with a guy (30M) from a dating app. We met at a nice restaurant, but I wasn’t very hungry, so I just ordered a water while he got a full meal. When the check came, he expected me to split the bill 50/50. I refused because I literally didn’t consume anything except tap water. Now he’s calling me cheap, and I’m wondering—am I the a**hole here?
The Date Setup
We matched on Hinge and agreed to meet for dinner at a mid-range Italian place. I wasn’t starving when I arrived, just wanted to chat and get to know him. When the waiter came, my date ordered: bruschetta, a steak, two cocktails, and tiramisu. I politely said, “Just water for me, thanks.”
He raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment. The conversation flowed okay—not amazing, but not terrible. Then the check arrived, and everything went sideways.
The Bill Arrives
The waiter dropped the check face-down. My date immediately flipped it over and said, “Okay, your half is $48.” I laughed, thinking he was joking. He wasn’t.
Me: “Uh, I only had water. I’m not paying for your steak and martinis.”
Him: “We’re splitting it. That’s what adults do.”
I pushed the check back. “Adults also pay for what they order.” His face turned red. The waiter awkwardly hovered until my date finally paid the full bill while muttering about “gold diggers.” (Note: I was wearing jeans and a sweater.)
His Reaction Later
Afterward, he texted: “Least you could’ve done was cover half after wasting my time.” I replied that he chose the restaurant and ordered extravagantly while I abstained. He called me “bad dating material” and unmatched me.
But here’s the thing: I’ve always paid my share on dates when I actually eat. Once, I covered the whole bill when my date forgot his wallet. But this felt different—like he expected me to subsidize his meal.
Friends Are Divided
My best friend says I was right: “He’s a grown man who can pay for his own filet mignon.” But another friend argued: “You should’ve just paid to avoid drama—it’s a first date tax.”
I disagree. Why should I pay a “tax” for existing near a man’s dinner? If I’d ordered a salad, sure, split it. But water? That’s like charging me for breathing the restaurant’s air.
Gender Norms Debate
This isn’t about gender—it’s about fairness. If our roles were reversed, nobody would expect a man to pay for a woman’s lobster thermidor when he didn’t eat. Yet somehow, because I’m female, I’m supposed to “be nice” and cough up cash?
Modern dating should be equitable. Splitting makes sense when both parties consume goods/services. Otherwise, it’s not splitting—it’s subsidizing.
Was I Wrong?
I’m genuinely torn. Maybe I could’ve handled it smoother (“Let’s just pay separately next time”), but standing my ground felt important. If I’d paid, it would’ve set a precedent that his expectations > my boundaries.
Still… AITAH? Should I have just paid the $48 to keep the peace? Or was refusing the right call?
Your Verdict?
I need outside opinions here. Have you been in this situation? Would you split a bill if you didn’t order anything? Drop your thoughts in the comments—I’m ready for the judgment!
Pro tip: Next time, I’m suggesting coffee dates first. Much harder to run up a $96 tab on espresso.
