AITAH for Refusing to Take in My Parents After They Lost Their Home?

I never thought I’d be in this position – having to say no to my own parents when they needed me most. But here we are, and I can’t stop wondering: Am I the asshole for refusing to let them move in after they lost their home? This decision has been eating at me for weeks, and I need some outside perspective.

The Backstory Matters

First, some context. My parents have always been… let’s say financially irresponsible. They’ve had their house for 30 years but never paid off the mortgage because they kept refinancing to fund vacations, new cars, and other luxuries. I’ve warned them for over a decade that this day would come, but they always brushed me off with “we’ll figure it out.”

Well, they didn’t figure it out. The bank foreclosed last month, and suddenly my 65-year-old parents were homeless. They showed up at my doorstep with all their belongings packed in their leased BMW, expecting to move in indefinitely.

My Current Situation

Here’s why I said no: I live in a small two-bedroom apartment with my wife and our 4-year-old twins. We’re barely making ends meet as it is, with childcare costs eating up most of my salary. My wife works nights at the hospital, and having two additional adults in our tiny space would be impossible.

More importantly, my parents have never respected boundaries. When they visit (which used to be often before this), they’d rearrange our furniture, criticize our parenting, and leave messes everywhere. The thought of them living with us indefinitely fills me with dread.

The Emotional Fallout

When I told them no, all hell broke loose. My mom cried about how they “sacrificed everything” for me (not really true – they were comfortably middle-class my whole childhood). My dad called me an ungrateful bastard and said family takes care of family. They’ve now temporarily moved in with my sister, who’s barely speaking to me because she’s overwhelmed with them.

Here’s the thing though – my parents do have options. They both get Social Security, and my dad could easily get a part-time job (he’s in good health). They just refuse to downsize their lifestyle. They want me to finance their retirement while they continue eating out daily and taking trips.

Childhood Trauma Resurfacing

This situation has brought up a lot of unresolved issues from my childhood. My parents were the type who’d buy themselves new iPhones every year but make me wear hand-me-downs from cousins. They took multiple vacations without me while I stayed with grandparents. Now they expect me to prioritize their comfort over my own family’s well-being?

My therapist says I’m not obligated to set myself on fire to keep them warm, especially when they’ve shown no willingness to change. But the guilt is still there. Culturally (we’re Italian-American), children are expected to care for aging parents no matter what.

Alternative Solutions Offered

I didn’t just say no and leave them stranded. I:

• Found them affordable senior housing options
• Offered to pay first month’s rent at an apartment
• Created a budget showing how they could live comfortably on their income

They rejected everything. My mom said senior housing is “where old people go to die,” and my dad refused to consider selling his golf clubs or leased car. They want the lifestyle they’re accustomed to, just with me footing the bill.

My Family Comes First

At the end of the day, I have to prioritize my wife and children. My twins are already sharing a room – where would my parents even sleep? Our couch? And how would that affect my marriage when my parents inevitably start interfering with our parenting?

My wife has been supportive but firm – she married me, not my parents. If I moved them in against her wishes, it could destroy our marriage. Is keeping my irresponsible parents happy worth losing my own family?

So, AITAH?

That’s what I need to know. Am I the asshole for:

• Refusing to upend my family’s life
• Not bailing out parents who created their own mess
• Setting boundaries after a lifetime of being treated as secondary?

Part of me feels like I should help because they’re my parents. But another part knows that enabling them helps no one in the long run. Maybe this tough love will finally make them take responsibility?

Your Thoughts Matter

I’m genuinely torn about this. Have you been in a similar situation with aging parents? How did you handle it? Do you think I’m being reasonable or heartless? Leave your honest opinion in the comments – I need perspective from people who aren’t emotionally invested.

If you found this post relatable, please share it with others who might be struggling with difficult family decisions. Sometimes knowing you’re not alone makes all the difference.