AITAH For Refusing To Tell My Parents Where I Live

I never thought I’d be in this position—keeping my own address a secret from the people who raised me. But here I am, months into living in my new apartment, and my parents still don’t know where it is. Every time they ask, I deflect or change the subject. And now, they’re calling me selfish, ungrateful, and yes… the asshole. So, I need to ask: AITAH for refusing to tell my parents where I live?

The Backstory Matters

To understand why I’m doing this, you need to know my family dynamic. My parents aren’t just casually curious—they’re the type who show up unannounced, rearrange my furniture, and criticize my life choices. When I lived closer to them, they’d drop by multiple times a week, often when I wasn’t home. I’d come back to find my kitchen “organized” (read: my snacks thrown out because they weren’t “healthy”) or my laundry refolded “the right way.”

Moving out was my chance to finally breathe. But I knew if they had my address, nothing would change. So when I signed my lease, I made a decision: this would be my space, on my terms.

The First Big Fight

It started the day I moved. My dad demanded my new address “in case of emergencies.” I said I’d share it when I was ready. Cue the guilt trip: “After everything we’ve done for you, you don’t trust us?” My mom cried. My dad called me paranoid. I stood my ground, but the weight of their disappointment was crushing.

Since then, it’s become a recurring argument. They’ve tried everything—anger, tears, even offering to help pay my rent (which I refused). Their latest tactic? Claiming I’m putting them in danger because “what if something happens to you and we can’t find you?”

Why I Won’t Budge

I know how this looks. To outsiders, I’m the cold, secretive child. But here’s the truth: this isn’t about the address. It’s about years of overstepped boundaries. When I let them visit my last place, they:

• Complained about my decor and replaced my curtains without asking
• Lectured my partner about their career choices
• Once let themselves in with a spare key I didn’t know they’d made

This secrecy is my last resort. I’ve tried talking to them. I’ve set smaller boundaries. Nothing stuck. Now, my home is the one place I feel in control, and I’m terrified of losing that.

The Family Fallout

Of course, it’s not just my parents. My siblings are divided. My older sister says I’m being cruel to our aging parents. My younger brother—who moved across the country—secretly supports me but won’t say so publicly. Extended family members have weighed in too, mostly siding with my parents because “family should know these things.”

The worst part? Holidays are now a minefield. Last Thanksgiving, my aunt “joked” that I must be hiding something illegal. My mom didn’t laugh, but she didn’t defend me either.

Am I Overreacting?

In my calmest moments, I wonder if I’m the problem. Maybe normal families share addresses without issue. Maybe I’m holding onto grudges too tightly. But then I remember the panic I’d feel hearing unexpected knocks at my old place, or how my partner would stress-clean for hours before their visits.

Is it really so wrong to want privacy? I’m not cutting contact—I call weekly, meet them for dinners (always in public), and send photos of my cat. I just need this one thing.

Where Do I Go From Here?

I don’t know if there’s a perfect solution. Part of me wants to compromise—maybe give them a P.O. box or agree to share my address if they attend therapy with me to work on boundaries. But another part fears that any concession will open the floodgates.

So I’m turning to you, internet strangers. Am I the asshole here? Have you been in this situation? How did you handle it? I’m desperate for perspective outside my family’s echo chamber.

Your Thoughts Matter

If you’ve read this far, thank you. Whether you think I’m justified or being an unreasonable jerk, I want to hear it. Leave a comment below—but please, keep it civil. This isn’t just some online debate for me; it’s my real-life family drama, and the guilt weighs heavy.

P.S. To anyone else hiding their address from loved ones: you’re not alone. Boundaries aren’t cruel. Your peace matters.