AITAH for Saying No to Being a Godparent?
I never thought I’d be in this position—staring at my best friend’s hopeful face as she asked me to be her child’s godparent. My gut reaction? Panic. Not because I don’t love her or her future baby, but because the weight of that responsibility felt crushing. So, I said no. And now? The guilt is eating me alive. Was I selfish? Was I wrong? Let me walk you through my messy thought process, the fallout, and why I’m still wrestling with this decision.
The Emotional Ask
It happened over brunch. Sarah—my ride-or-die since college—slid a tiny onesie across the table with “Godparent Squad” printed in gold letters. “We want you,” she said, eyes shining. My stomach dropped. I adore Sarah, but the idea of being a spiritual guide (or worse, a potential guardian) for her child? I wasn’t ready. I stammered out a “Can I think about it?” but her face fell. The guilt started right then.
Why I Said No
Here’s the hard truth: I don’t want kids. Ever. Not mine, not anyone else’s. I love my freedom—spontaneous trips, career pivots, quiet Sundays with a book. A godparent role isn’t just a cute title; it’s a lifelong commitment. What if something happened to Sarah? Could I step up? The answer was a resounding no in my soul, and lying felt worse than refusing. But explaining that to someone who dreams of motherhood? Brutal.
The Immediate Backlash
Sarah cried. Her fiancé called me “selfish” under his breath. Mutual friends took sides—some said I owed her this, others respected my honesty. The worst part? Sarah’s mom texted me: “After everything our family’s done for you?” Ouch. I spiraled. Was I prioritizing my comfort over a lifelong friendship? Or was I being responsible by not making promises I couldn’t keep?
What Godparenting Really Means
I dug into the research. Legally, godparents usually have no rights—unless named in a will. But culturally? It’s a sacred promise to guide a child’s faith and life. Some families expect financial support, mentorship, or even adoption if tragedy strikes. Was I prepared for any of that? No. But does society frame it as an “honor” to avoid offending parents? Absolutely. That pressure is real.
Navigating the Fallout
Sarah and I didn’t speak for two weeks. When we finally met, I apologized for hurting her but stood firm. She admitted she’d assumed I’d say yes—“You’re family!”—and felt blindsided. We’re slowly rebuilding, but it’s strained. Meanwhile, her cousin (a mom of three) took the role and seems thrilled. Part of me wonders: Did I dodge a bullet or lose something precious?
Was I the Jerk?
Here’s my conclusion: No, but it’s complicated. Saying no to a godparent ask isn’t inherently wrong—it’s better than half-hearted yeses. But I could’ve handled it softer. A heartfelt letter explaining my reasons upfront might’ve spared Sarah’s public disappointment. Still, my boundaries matter. If you’re in this spot, ask yourself: “Can I give this child what they deserve?” If the answer isn’t hell yes, it’s okay to step back.
Your Turn to Weigh In
Have you refused a godparent request? Would you cut off a friend over this? Drop your unfiltered thoughts in the comments—I need all perspectives. And if you’re wrestling with a similar “no,” know you’re not alone. Sometimes, the right choices hurt like hell but save everyone pain later. P.S. If you found this relatable, share it with that one friend who needs to hear it.
