AITAH for Telling My Partner They’re Not Allowed to Call Me During Work Hours?

Let me start by saying I love my partner—deeply. But recently, we’ve hit a snag that’s making me question whether I’m being unreasonable or if my boundaries are justified. Here’s the deal: I told my partner they’re not allowed to call me during work hours unless it’s an emergency. Now, they’re upset, and I’m left wondering… Am I the a**hole here?

The Work Call Dilemma

I work in a high-pressure job where focus is everything. My boss expects undivided attention, and even a quick phone call can derail my momentum. My partner, however, sees things differently. They call multiple times a day—sometimes just to chat, other times for minor things like “What should we have for dinner?” or “Did you see this meme?”

At first, I brushed it off, but after my manager pulled me aside to discuss “distractions,” I knew I had to set a boundary. I sat my partner down and said, “Unless it’s urgent, please don’t call me at work.” Cue the silent treatment and accusations of being “cold.”

Their Side of It

My partner says calling is their way of staying connected. They argue that since I’m salaried (not hourly), I should have flexibility to take personal calls. They also pointed out that they answer my calls anytime, even during their workday. To them, my rule feels like rejection—like I’m prioritizing work over our relationship.

I get their perspective, but here’s the thing: their job is remote with a loose schedule, while mine isn’t. I can’t just pause a client meeting because they want to vent about their coworker. Is that really so unfair?

Why I Set the Boundary

This isn’t about love—it’s about respect for my career. Last month, I missed a critical deadline because a 20-minute call threw off my entire workflow. My partner didn’t see the fallout: the overtime, the stress, the disappointed client. Meanwhile, they joked, “Oops, my bad!” like it was no big deal.

I’ve tried compromises: texting instead of calling, scheduling a quick check-in during lunch. But the calls kept coming. After the third “just checking in” call in one morning, I snapped. Was I too harsh? Maybe. But something had to give.

The Silent Treatment Backlash

Since I laid down the rule, my partner has been icy. They’ve stopped initiating conversations altogether, even outside work hours. When I asked why, they said, “Well, I don’t want to ‘disturb’ you.” It’s passive-aggressive, and honestly, it hurts.

Part of me wonders if I should apologize just to keep the peace. But another part—the part that values my professional reputation—says I shouldn’t have to. Where’s the middle ground?

Friends Are Divided

I polled our friend group, and reactions were split. My work friends 100% agreed with me: “Your job pays the bills—they need to respect that.” But our mutual friends sided with my partner: “Love means being available, no matter what.”

One even said, “If you really cared, you’d find a way.” Ouch. That stung. Now I’m second-guessing everything. Is this a normal relationship compromise, or am I being selfish?

What Experts Say

I did some digging, and relationship coaches emphasize clear communication. Dr. Jane Goodwin (a therapist I follow) says, “Boundaries aren’t walls—they’re bridges to mutual respect.” She suggests couples align on what qualifies as an “emergency” and set specific windows for check-ins.

Maybe that’s the answer: a concrete plan instead of a blanket “no calls” rule. But how do I reintroduce this without sounding like I’m backtracking?

My Final Thoughts

I love my partner, but I won’t apologize for protecting my career. That said, I could’ve been gentler. Instead of “Don’t call me,” maybe, “Let’s find a way to connect that doesn’t stress me out.” Hindsight, right?

So, AITAH? Be honest. And if you’ve been in this spot, how’d you handle it? Drop a comment—I need all the advice I can get.

Call-to-action: Struggling with work-life balance? Share your story below! And if this resonated, hit share—maybe we can all learn from each other.