My Husband’s Family Expects Me to Be Their Personal Maid – Am I Overreacting?
Imagine showing up to a family gathering only to be handed a broom the moment you step through the door. That’s basically my reality every time I visit my in-laws. I married my husband expecting love and partnership, not an unpaid cleaning gig. I’m not their personal maid. Now, I’m wondering: Am I overreacting, or is this totally out of line?
Let me share my personal experience – because this is my life, and I need to know if I’m being unreasonable.
The Expectations vs. Reality
“You’re the Wife, So It’s Your Job”
From the moment we got engaged, my MIL made it clear that I was now responsible for “taking care of the home.” At first, I thought she meant my own home, which – sure, fair enough. But nope. She meant her home. And her sister’s home. And basically anywhere the family gathered.
Birthdays? I was in the kitchen. Holidays? I was washing dishes. My husband? Sitting comfortably, chatting away, oblivious.
The Last Straw
At Thanksgiving last year, I decided to just… sit. Not in a rude way, just casually not volunteering for every little thing. Within minutes, my SIL handed me a dish towel and said, “The dishes won’t wash themselves.”
I laughed, thinking she was joking. She was not.
So I said, “Oh, I figured we were all pitching in!”
The look of horror on her face? Priceless.
Community Reactions – Am I Being Petty?
“This is straight-up outdated gender roles. If your husband isn’t standing up for you, that’s a major red flag.”
“They’re treating you like an employee, not family. Stop showing up early, stop staying late, and most importantly—stop cleaning!”
“This isn’t just about cleaning. This is about respect. If they see you as ‘the help,’ they’ll never treat you as an equal.”
My Husband’s Reaction
After bringing it up to my husband, he said, “That’s just how my family is. It’s not a big deal.”
Not. A. Big. Deal.
When I explained how it made me feel, he agreed to step up more. But at the next gathering, he conveniently “forgot” and let me handle things alone again.
What Should I Do Next?
Setting Boundaries
At this point, I’m done being their personal maid. Here’s my plan:
- No more automatically jumping in – If no one else is offering, I’m not either.
- If they hand me a dish towel, I’ll hand it back – “Oh, I think there are plenty of hands here to help!”
- Husband needs to back me up – If he won’t stand up for me, then we need to have a serious talk.
Walking Away If Necessary
If my husband won’t support me, I’ll have to reconsider how this relationship works. I signed up for a partner, not a second job.
Conclusion
So, am I overreacting, or do I have every right to be upset? From my perspective, I am NOT the maid, and I need to stand my ground.
Would you tolerate this from your in-laws? Or do you think I should just “suck it up” like my husband says? Let me know what you would do in my situation!
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