AITAH for Refusing to Give My Seat Up for a Pregnant Woman Because I Was in Pain Too?

It was one of those days where everything hurt. My chronic back pain was flaring up, and just standing felt like a challenge. So when a visibly pregnant woman boarded the crowded bus and looked expectantly at me—the young, seemingly healthy guy in the priority seat—I hesitated. Then I said no. The backlash was immediate. But was I really the asshole here?

The Bus Incident

I was on my way home from a long shift at work, my lower back throbbing from hours of standing. I’d grabbed the priority seat because, well, I needed it. When the pregnant woman got on, she scanned the bus, and her eyes locked onto mine. “Excuse me,” she said politely, “could I please have your seat?”

I swallowed hard. “I’m sorry, but I’m in a lot of pain right now,” I admitted. Her face fell, and a nearby older woman snapped, “You should be ashamed of yourself!” Murmurs spread, and I felt my face burn. But was my pain less valid just because it wasn’t visible?

My Chronic Pain

I’ve dealt with chronic back issues since a car accident two years ago. Some days are manageable; others, like that day, are brutal. I don’t look disabled, but standing for long periods aggravates my condition. I’ve learned to prioritize my health, even if it means making uncomfortable choices.

Still, society has this unspoken rule: pregnant women always get priority. But what about invisible illnesses? Shouldn’t compassion go both ways?

The Public Reaction

The bus ride became unbearable after my refusal. Glares, whispers, even someone muttering “entitled jerk” under their breath. One person did offer their seat to the woman, but the damage was done. I felt like a villain.

Later, I posted about it online, bracing for worse. Surprisingly, reactions were mixed. Some called me selfish, but others—especially those with chronic pain—defended me. “Pain isn’t a competition,” one comment read. Another said, “Priority seats exist for a reason, and pregnancy isn’t the only valid need.”

Questioning My Choice

Part of me wonders if I should’ve just sucked it up. Pregnancy is temporary and undeniably hard. But then I remember my physical therapist’s warning: “Pushing through pain can set back your recovery.” Was I supposed to sacrifice my well-being to avoid judgment?

I also thought about alternatives—maybe asking others to give up their seats instead. But in the moment, I froze. Would that have made me less of an asshole?

Society’s Double Standard

Why is it that visible conditions garner immediate sympathy, while invisible ones are met with skepticism? Had I been on crutches, no one would’ve batted an eye. But because my pain was hidden, I was presumed lazy or rude.

This isn’t to diminish the struggles of pregnancy. But fairness shouldn’t hinge on visibility. Kindness should extend to all who need it, even when their needs aren’t obvious.

What Would You Do?

Now I’m turning to you. Was I the asshole for prioritizing my pain? Or was it a justified, if uncomfortable, decision? Have you ever been in a similar situation—either as the one refusing or the one expecting courtesy?

Let’s discuss in the comments. And if you’ve got an “AITAH” story of your own, share it below. Sometimes, the line between right and wrong isn’t as clear as we think.