AITAH For Cutting Off My Brother After He Refused Financial Help

Family and money—two things that shouldn’t mix, but somehow always do. I never thought I’d be the one to cut off my own brother, but here we are. Was I wrong? That’s what I’m here to figure out. If you’ve ever been in a similar situation, maybe my story will help you decide whether I’m the asshole… or if my brother is.

The Backstory Matters

Growing up, my brother and I were close. We shared everything—toys, secrets, even the occasional fistfight. But as adults, things changed. I worked hard, built a stable career, and managed my finances carefully. My brother? Not so much. He bounced from job to job, racked up debt, and always had a reason why it wasn’t his fault.

I wanted to help him. I really did. But every time I offered advice, he brushed me off. “I’ve got it under control,” he’d say, right before asking to borrow rent money. It was exhausting.

The Breaking Point

Last month, he called me in a panic. His car had been repossessed, and he needed $5,000 to get it back. I could’ve lent it to him—I had the savings—but this time, I said no. Not without conditions. I told him I’d only help if he agreed to sit down with me and a financial planner to get his life on track.

He lost it. Called me selfish, said family shouldn’t put “strings” on help. We argued for hours. Finally, I told him I was done—no more money, no more bailouts. If he wouldn’t take responsibility for his own life, I couldn’t keep enabling him.

Family Reactions Divided

Our parents were furious—with me. “He’s your brother,” my mom cried. “How could you abandon him?” My dad accused me of being greedy. But my sister? She backed me 100%. She’d been through the same cycle with him and had cut ties years ago.

Even my friends were split. Some said I had every right to set boundaries. Others said blood should come before money. The guilt started eating at me. Had I gone too far?

The Psychology of Enabling

I did some research after the blowup. Turns out, there’s a term for what I was doing: financial enabling. By constantly rescuing him, I was reinforcing his irresponsible behavior. Experts say cutting off help—as painful as it is—can sometimes be the kindest thing you can do.

But knowing that didn’t make it hurt less. I missed my brother. I just missed the version of him who didn’t see me as an ATM.

Was There Another Way?

Maybe. I could’ve given him the money one last time. Or offered smaller amounts with strict rules. But how many “last times” had there already been? At some point, I had to ask myself: If nothing changes, how much more of my life will I waste stressing over his choices?

That’s the thing about boundaries—they’re not about punishing the other person. They’re about protecting yourself.

Where We Stand Now

It’s been three months of silence. He didn’t come to my birthday. I heard through the grapevine he took out a high-interest loan instead. Part of me hopes he’ll reach out, ready to change. The other part knows better.

So, AITAH? Maybe. But sometimes being the “asshole” is just another word for refusing to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

What Would You Do?

I’m sharing this because I need perspective. Have you ever cut off a family member over money? Did you regret it? Or was it the best decision you ever made? Drop a comment below—I’m reading every one. And if you’re in a similar situation, ask yourself this: What’s the cost of not walking away?