AITAH for Charging My Brother Rent After He Moved In ‘Temporarily’… 8 Months Ago?
The Temporary Arrangement
When my brother Jake asked to stay with me “just for a few weeks” while he sorted out his new apartment lease, I didn’t hesitate. Family helps family, right? I cleared out my spare room, stocked up on extra groceries, and even gave him a key. We agreed it would be temporary – maybe 4-6 weeks max while his building finished renovations.
Fast forward eight months, and Jake has made himself way too comfortable. My guest room now looks like a college dorm, he eats all my food without contributing, and he’s never once offered to chip in for utilities. What started as a favor has turned into a full-blown roommate situation – except without any of the financial benefits of having an actual roommate.
The Breaking Point
Everything came to a head last month when I got my highest-ever electric bill. Jake had been working from home full-time, running the AC nonstop, and doing laundry almost daily. When I mentioned the bill, he just shrugged and said “That’s rough” before heading out to meet friends.
That’s when I realized: This isn’t temporary anymore. If he’s treating my place like his permanent residence, he should contribute like any other adult. I drafted a simple rental agreement asking for $600/month (well below market rate) plus 30% of utilities.
The Family Backlash
When I presented the agreement to Jake, he completely lost it. He called me greedy, said family shouldn’t charge family, and accused me of trying to profit off him. Within hours, my phone was blowing up with texts from our parents and other relatives taking his side.
My mom actually said: “How could you do this to your own brother? We didn’t raise you to be so money-focused.” Nevermind that I’ve been covering all expenses for nearly a year while Jake banks his entire paycheck. Apparently in my family, financial boundaries equal betrayal.
My Financial Reality
Here’s what my family refuses to acknowledge: My mortgage didn’t pause when Jake moved in. My grocery bill doubled. My utility costs increased by 40%. I’ve had to delay saving for my own goals because I’m effectively subsidizing an able-bodied 28-year-old who makes more money than I do.
I ran the numbers – in these eight months, Jake’s stay has cost me over $4,200 in extra expenses. That’s money I’ll never get back, while he’s saved nearly $12,000 in rent and bills. But somehow I’m the villain for asking for basic cost-sharing?
The Principle Matters
This isn’t really about the money (though that certainly helps). It’s about respect and reciprocity. Jake never asked if he could extend his stay indefinitely. He never offered to contribute. He just assumed my home was his to occupy rent-free in perpetuity.
If he had approached me like an adult – “Hey, my plans changed, can we discuss long-term arrangements?” – I might have been more flexible. But the entitlement is what gets me. Why should I set myself on fire to keep someone else warm when they won’t even offer to help gather firewood?
Setting Boundaries Now
After weeks of family drama, I stood my ground. I told Jake he has three options: 1) Sign the rental agreement, 2) Move out by the end of the month, or 3) We go to family mediation to establish fair terms. Shockingly, he chose option 2 – proving this was never about needing help, but about wanting free housing.
My relatives are still giving me the cold shoulder, but I’m sleeping better knowing I finally set boundaries. Maybe this makes me TA in their eyes, but I believe adults should contribute to households they live in – family or not. Eight months of free rent is more than generous.
Your Judgment Matters
So tell me honestly – AITAH here? Was I wrong to finally charge rent after eight months of footing all the bills? Should family get unlimited free housing no matter the circumstances? I’m genuinely curious where others draw the line between helping family and being taken advantage of.
Drop your thoughts in the comments below! Have you been in a similar situation with family overstaying their welcome? How did you handle it? Let’s discuss where reasonable boundaries should be with long-term “temporary” houseguests.
Don’t forget to share this post if you’ve ever dealt with family entitlement issues – you might help someone else struggling to set healthy boundaries!
