AITAH for Declining to Be the Best Man at My Brother’s Wedding After a Huge Fight?
Family drama is never easy, especially when it blows up right before a wedding. I never imagined I’d be in this position—turning down the role of best man for my own brother. But after a massive fight that left us barely speaking, I just couldn’t bring myself to stand by his side. Now, I’m left wondering: Was I the AH for saying no?
The Big Blowup
It all started a few months ago. My brother, let’s call him Jake, and I have always had a complicated relationship. We’re close, but when we fight, it’s explosive. This time, it was over something stupid—money. Jake had borrowed a significant amount from me last year, promising to pay it back before his wedding. But when I gently reminded him, he blew up.
“You’re my brother! Why are you acting like a loan shark?” he yelled. I tried to stay calm, but things escalated. He accused me of being selfish, and I fired back about his lack of responsibility. Before I knew it, we were screaming at each other, and he told me to “get out of his life.”
That was the last time we spoke—until the wedding invitation arrived.
The Best Man Request
Two weeks after our fight, Jake’s fiancée texted me, asking if I’d still be the best man. I was stunned. No apology, no acknowledgment of what happened—just an assumption I’d drop everything and play my part. I told her I needed time to think.
When Jake finally called, it wasn’t to make amends. “Look, I need you to do this for me,” he said, like our fight never happened. I asked if we could talk things through first, but he brushed me off. “It’s my wedding. Can’t you just suck it up?”
That was the moment I decided. If he couldn’t respect me enough to address our issues, why should I stand up for him?
My Final Decision
I sent Jake a message declining the role. I explained that while I wanted to support him, I couldn’t pretend everything was okay. His response? “Fine. Don’t come at all.”
Our parents were furious. They called me selfish, saying I was ruining his big day. Even some friends said I should’ve just “kept the peace.” But here’s the thing—why is it always on me to be the bigger person?
I love my brother, but I refuse to be treated like an afterthought. If he wanted me there, he should’ve tried to fix things.
The Backlash
The fallout was brutal. Relatives I hadn’t heard from in years messaged me, calling me a “petty jerk.” Jake’s fiancée unfollowed me on social media. Even my mom gave me the silent treatment for weeks.
But here’s what no one asked: How did Jake’s actions affect me? He dismissed my feelings, ignored our fight, and expected me to fall in line. Was I really wrong for setting boundaries?
Part of me wonders if I overreacted. The other part knows I deserved better.
Was I Wrong?
I’ve replayed this a thousand times. Maybe I should’ve swallowed my pride. But then I think—if roles were reversed, would Jake have done the same for me? Honestly? I doubt it.
Weddings are important, but so are relationships. If Jake couldn’t give me basic respect, why should I perform for his big day? Was I supposed to fake a smile while feeling like garbage?
I don’t think so. But I need outside perspective.
What Do You Think?
So, Reddit, lay it on me—AITAH for refusing to be my brother’s best man? Should I have just sucked it up for family harmony? Or was I right to stand my ground?
Drop your thoughts in the comments. And if you’ve been in a similar situation, how did you handle it? Let’s talk it out.
