AITAH for Not Paying for My Sister’s Destination Wedding After She Called Me Cheap?

My family thinks I’m being heartless, but I think I’m being practical. You tell me—am I really the bad guy here?

The Backstory: A “Dream Wedding” on Someone Else’s Dime

My sister, 27, is getting married this year, and she’s always dreamed of a destination wedding in Italy. The venue? A luxurious villa that costs more than some people’s annual salaries. The catch? She expects our family—including me, her 30-year-old brother—to chip in for the costs.

I work in IT, I make a decent living, but I’m also paying off student loans and saving to buy a house. When my sister asked if I could contribute $5,000 toward her “once-in-a-lifetime experience,” I politely declined. I told her I’d happily attend the wedding, pay for my own travel and accommodation, and even give a generous gift—but I couldn’t justify funding her lavish plans.

That’s when things took a turn.

The Fallout: “You’re Cheap and Selfish”

After my refusal, my sister blew up in our family group chat. She said I was “cheap,” “selfish,” and “jealous” that she was getting her dream wedding. She claimed it was my “duty as her brother” to help her out and accused me of trying to ruin her big day.

My parents sided with her, saying I should “be supportive” and that family comes first.

I felt cornered and frustrated. Supporting family is important, yes—but does that mean subsidizing someone else’s extravagant wedding, even when you can’t afford it comfortably?

Where Do We Draw the Line Between Support and Enabling?

Weddings vs. Financial Priorities

Weddings are emotional events, and it’s natural to want everything to be perfect. But should someone else be obligated to pay for that perfection?

My argument is simple: if you can’t afford a destination wedding on your own, maybe it’s not the right time or place to have one. Expecting others to foot the bill—especially family members who didn’t ask for such responsibility—feels unfair.

Family Guilt and Financial Manipulation

When my sister called me “cheap,” it wasn’t just rude—it was manipulative. I’ve helped her in the past: lent her money during college, helped her with rent once during COVID, and even co-signed her first car loan. None of that seems to matter now.

In moments like this, it feels less about family and more about entitlement.

Reddit’s AITAH Verdict Would Probably Side with Me

I haven’t posted this on r/AITAH, but I’ve followed the subreddit for years. I can already hear the top-voted responses:

• “NTA. Your sister is entitled.”

• “It’s her wedding, not a group project.”

• “You’re not a bank.”

And I agree with them.

Wanting financial independence doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you responsible. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you’re required to sponsor their dreams, especially when those dreams come with a high price tag.

Navigating Family Expectations Without Losing Your Sanity

If You’re in My Shoes:

• Set clear financial boundaries. Don’t let guilt override your financial goals.

• Offer emotional support, not a blank check. Being present and encouraging matters just as much.

• Communicate respectfully but firmly. You can say “no” without being cruel.

If You’re Planning a Wedding:

• Plan within your means. If guests or family can’t afford your plans, don’t pressure them.

• Appreciate what’s given. A heartfelt gesture often means more than a dollar amount.

• Don’t let your dreams hurt your relationships. A wedding lasts a day. Your relationships should last a lifetime.

So… AITAH?

I don’t think I am. I’m not trying to sabotage anyone’s wedding—I’m just not interested in sacrificing my future to pay for a fantasy that isn’t mine.

But maybe I’m missing something. Maybe I’m too focused on money and not enough on family values.