AITAH For Not Inviting My In-Laws To My Baby Shower

I never thought planning a baby shower would lead to such drama, but here we are. My husband thinks I’m being unreasonable, my mother-in-law won’t stop texting me passive-aggressive messages, and I’m starting to question my own decision. Was I really the asshole here? Let me explain the situation and you can tell me what you think.

The Background Story

My husband and I have been married for three years, and this is our first baby. While I generally get along with my in-laws, they have a habit of making everything about them. Our engagement party turned into a showcase of their social circle, and our wedding had so many of their demands that I barely recognized my own vision.

When it came time to plan the baby shower, I decided this would be my event. I wanted an intimate gathering with close friends and family who genuinely care about me and this pregnancy. My mother and sister offered to host, and we planned a lovely afternoon at my parents’ home with about 25 people.

The Invitation Dilemma

Here’s where things got complicated. My mother-in-law has three sisters, all of whom are lovely but who I barely know. If I invited her, etiquette would demand I invite them too. Suddenly my intimate shower would balloon to 40+ people, most of whom I don’t have close relationships with.

I discussed this with my husband, explaining that I wanted to keep it small. He suggested we could just invite his mom, but I knew that would cause drama with the aunts. After much debate, we agreed that we wouldn’t invite any of his family, but would plan a separate “grandparents shower” later where both sides could celebrate together.

The Explosive Reaction

Word got out (as it always does) and my mother-in-law called me in tears. She accused me of excluding her from this special moment and said I was denying her the chance to celebrate her first grandchild. My husband, who had initially agreed with me, started wavering under her emotional pressure.

“It’s just a few more people,” he said. “Would it really be so bad to include them?” But to me, it wasn’t about the numbers – it was about maintaining boundaries and having the celebration I envisioned.

My Side of Things

Here’s why I stood my ground: This pregnancy has been physically and emotionally challenging. I’ve had severe morning sickness, anxiety about becoming a mother, and I’m just now starting to feel excited about the baby. I wanted one event that felt safe and comfortable to me.

Moreover, we are including them – just in a different way. The grandparents shower will happen when I’m further along and feeling more up to a bigger gathering. I tried explaining this, but they’re stuck on the principle of being excluded from “the real shower.”

The Family Fallout

Now there’s tension every family gathering. My father-in-law keeps making pointed comments about “family unity,” and my sister-in-law (who I did invite) told me privately that I should just apologize to keep the peace.

Part of me wonders if I should have just sucked it up and invited them. But another part of me feels strongly that as the pregnant person, I should get to decide how I want to celebrate this milestone. Isn’t that what baby showers are ultimately about – supporting the mom-to-be?

Was I Wrong?

Looking back, I wonder if there was a better way to handle this. Maybe I could have included them but set clear boundaries about the size. Or perhaps I should have made it a couples shower so it felt less like “my side” versus “their side.”

At the same time, I can’t help but feel that their reaction proves exactly why I made this choice. Instead of respecting my needs during this vulnerable time, they’ve made it all about their hurt feelings. Isn’t pregnancy supposed to be when family cuts you some slack?

Your Thoughts Matter

I’m honestly torn about whether I handled this right. On one hand, I feel justified in wanting a comfortable, intimate celebration. On the other, I wonder if I’ve unnecessarily damaged family relationships over what’s supposed to be a happy occasion.

So tell me honestly – AITAH here? Have you dealt with similar family dynamics around weddings or baby showers? How did you handle it? I’d really appreciate your perspective as I navigate this tricky situation while hormonal and sleep-deprived!

Please share your thoughts in the comments below. And if you’ve been in a similar spot, I’d love to hear how it turned out for you. Maybe together we can figure out how to balance personal needs with family expectations during these big life moments.